Me and my Pain -for some this maybe TMI

See me and pain have had an odd relationship from the very beginning.

I have a very high threshold for tolerating pain.

It's the only explanation my family doctor could come up with when I was seven years old and we found out six weeks after the fact that I had fractured my collarbone.

I also rendered a doctor speechless in the Orillia hospital ER when I was 9 when I told him I walked a block home on my ankle  that until he had seen the x-rays he was sure I had broken given the swelling and discoloration.

I still have no idea how or when I broke the baby finger on my right hand.  I know I broke it, it should not go out on the strange angle that it does.  I noticed in my teens, was told they could rebreak it and set it or leave it as it wasn't causing any issues.  If I had known years later I was going to learn ASL I might have reconsidered declining getting it rebroken to fix it.

Over the years this has led me to categorizing my pain into the following two groups:

Annoying -sometimes Tyelnol/Advil takes the edge off, but otherwise the pain is there, constant, but I can block it out as long as I keep focused on something.  And at the end of the day it hits me like a ton of bricks.

Agony:  I can barely move for pain.  Only heavy duty drugs even come close to taking an edge off and I can't work.  I am more or less incapacitated.  *though I have worked while in the low end of Agony before

I have taught myself probably starting around my mid to late teens how to block out pain in my body through meditation and sheer willpower.  I was fed up with missing out on things because of the pain.

This is a both a boon and a blessing.  The problem with ignoring the pain is that it means I can miss things like how serious I have injured myself at the time (it can be hours to a full day later), not noticing I have a sinus/throat infection till it is really bad and it is how I missed all the signs for a pilonidal cyst flare up resulting in it needing draining (4 times).


I have suffered from ovarian cysts since I was 14 years old.  I was formally diagnosed at 15.
Most of the time the pain I suffer falls into the annoying category.  Over the years at least once a year it flares up into the Agony levels and I make a trip to the ER/Clinic.

I can't remember not being in pain from my womanly cycles through most of my teens and early 20's.  Every once in awhile I would get a reprieve because a birth control pill would work for about 3-5 months and then we would be back to the usual pain most of the month and agony while I menstruated and the fun of guessing how many days my cycle would be each month (even while on the pill).

Being pregnant was a blessing in that regard. No pain for the 8.5 months of pregnancy!  Same for the following 6 months after I gave birth.  Then my cycle returned and I was just in agony when I menstruated.
I got another year after before the irregularities started up.  Another 6 months later and the pain returned to being prevalent 60-90% of each month.  Always at what I classify as the annoying levels  (except during menstruation).
In September my gynecologist finally conceded that yes I in fact do have endometriosis (I have been telling her since she took me on as a patient in 2006 that I was diagnosed with it at 16 by my family doctor).

At least one day (can be more) in my five to seven day "that time of the month" will end up being what I call a "tv day at work" day.  Meaning I will stick a Signing Time DVD in or Peep in the Big Wide World, or something from Netflix -Blue's Clues or Super Why! on in the background.  The children will sit and watch it or play with the toys.  We might get coloring out, but I am pretty much not moving except to help washroom routine, diapering and getting snack/lunch.
This happens because I am in that much pain that it is either do that or not work.
If I don't work I don't get paid.  The kids are actually pretty good about it.  They will bring things to me to play with them, or bring me many stories etc.  It also means on those kind of days we spend a short time outside (sometimes only the school walks) which I try to make up for on the better days.

It was a whole lot better when I could take ASA and Ibprofen, but last spring I had a severe allergic reaction to prescription Naproxen resulting in my inability to take them anymore.

Acetaminophen works okay.  I take extra strength Tylenol and it will generally take the edge off, but for the most part I am always in pain.  Anything stronger (T3's etc) make me non functional to work.

Last week when the pain reached Agony levels that scared the crap out of me because suddenly I am doubled over with no warning nearly screaming, while outside with three children 3 years old and younger waiting for a nearly 12 year old autistic child's bus and I am now seeing black spots suffice to say I called my home visitor for help.
My supervisor and home visitor were here within 9 minutes of my call.  I had managed to get the kids inside after the bus arrived.  The deep breathing technique I learned from meditation is what kept me conscious and sheer determination to not fall over in front of the children.  The three year old and the two year old knew I wasn't okay.  They did their best to do everything I asked, including helping me get the 1 year old undressed and bringing me the portable phone so I could call Andrew. The autistic child was blissfully unaware.
Then I turned on the tv to treehouse and sat and didn't move until we left for the Urgent Care Clinic.  Why not the ER?  Because I didn't feel like sitting for 6-7 hours for them to rule out that it was not my appendix (my pain is prevalent more on the right most of the time) and then maybe give me something for the pain.
I lucked out at the clinic and for once I got a doctor who listened, was knowledgable in my issues and then poked, prodded, made to contort myself in very painful positions to determine for sure that no I did not need to go to the ER (it was not my gall bladder, appendix, hernia), that yes I was probably right that it was the cysts and the endometriosis.
I was given Tylenol 3's once he learned of my issue with ASA and ibprofen and sent me for an Ultra sound.
I took the T3's Thursday afternoon to Friday evening.  Then I stopped.  Because they made me so nauseous and dizzy coupled with a migraine headache and did nothing for the pain I was already in.  Seemed kind of pointless to take something that wasn't helping, made me feel worse not to mention they kinda make me a zombie and I don't sleep.

I am in low levels of Agony still.  Extra Strength Tylenol keeps it toward more Annoying then Agony, but it means I spend all my energy blocking the pain while I am working that by the time we get to dinner time I am done.  I just want to curl up with a heating pad/hot pack/climb into the tub and not move.

I am really really really really good at looking like I am okay and am fine despite being in copious amounts of pain.  I have learned how to fake it well over the years.

So when I don't look okay and I say it is because I am in pain, it says a lot about the amount of pain I am in.

I do have options.  Unfortunately NONE of them can be utilized while  I am trying to conceive another child.

I am beginning to wonder if I am going to be able to have another child from my body.

I get my results from the clinic on Saturday (they have actually had them since Tuesday, but I wasn't taking a day off to get them).
I see my gynecologist on the 18th.

Till then I fight through the pain and move forward best I can and hope we succeed at making a baby.