Wow... I hadn't realized...

Just how stressful traveling during Christmas had been till recently.

So this holiday season we opted to only go to one of our sets of parents for the actual Christmas holidays.
Due to scheduling we won't get to do late Christmas with the Kasurak side until February, but I have to say I don't miss the stress of all the driving. Next year we switch and we will be doing early Christmas in November with the Hare side and spending Christmas with the Kasurak side.

To put things in to perspective.  Since William turned one we have been doing in 7-10 days (depending on where the holidays fell), Waterloo to Ottawa to Orillia to Waterloo (or Orillia to Ottawa).
This means we never really spent more then 3-4 days with our families with full days of driving in between.
This was incredibly hard on me physically between the pilonidal cyst (now gone!!) and the fibromyalgia.  Not to mention taxing on Andrew as well since he has to do all the driving... and traveling that far with a young child is not fun.

It feels very surreal not having to pack everything up and drive off to the next visit or try to figure out how to fit everything in the car or worry about weather.

William seems to be enjoying himself.
It's also so much nicer now that my Mom's business is out of the house and the house is now a home only.  No more sleeping in the living room and having to put the bed up and down each day.
William has a place to play where he can be as messy as he wants and not be in the way.

It does suck not getting to see everyone during the holidays, but the lack of stress and physical strain is a pretty good trade off.

8th Annual Christmas and Yule Party!

Seriously.
We've been doing this 8 years?
Yes, yes we have.
Hard to believe something that started as a mid sized gathering to get people together because our circle of friends had finished school and started moving away.
Sadly, my husband is still a student... though he is on his PHD now.  Could be worse, he could still be doing a degree.
I didn't feel as rushed or that things were as much a blur in years passed.  I actually got to visit with people pre and post turkey!
The Turkey was done on time! And very tasty.  Thank you James for being my partner in crime with the turkey while my husband pieced together the gingerbread creation.
First year the turkey was done on time and nothing else was!
This was probably the most eventful party for mishaps..
Oven gloves are useful, too bad James's doesn't have any and has a blister on his finger to teach him the err of his ways.
The stove catching on fire while trying to make gravy also taught James that remembering to clean one's stove from time to time is a necessity.
One of the guests lost his wedding band and thought he'd lost it putting stuff (the turkey carcass) in the garbage which resulted in a house wide search.  The good news is that he did find it in their car later when they went home.
The gingerbread was awesome, still doesn't top the Pirate ship.  I'll get picture up at some point when I get the pictures from Andrew.  I also believe there is a video of the smash.
The gift exchange was pretty decent.  It was weird having my husband come away from it with the game I put into it (Pirate Fluxx).  I ended up with Bananagrams!  There were other things like wine, beer, stainless steel vampire fangs bottle opener, a variety of DVDs and a bunch more games.
There were some of the usual faces missing from this year's party.  You were missed, but we know you will be back next year!

Good friends, good food and lots of laughter.
A great way to finish off the year.
It has been one hell of a year for good or bad.

Thank you all who came even for a time.  It was wonderful.

My Battle to Lose Weight

Since 6 weeks after William was born I have stayed roughly the same size and weight.
Anytime I succeeded in starting to lose weight my pilonidal cyst would rear it's ugly head and all my hard work would be reduced to nothing as I had to take it easy and not do to much for fear of aggravating it to the point of it needing draining.
Short of starving myself I couldn't lose more then a couple of pounds.

So after trying Weight Watchers' over the summer and struggling to see any results the moment I was unable to exercise I was ready to give up.
Then finally I got a referral for a surgeon to have the pilonidal cyst removed.  It was removed in August.  What little weight I had lost I gained back and then some because of the nature of the healing process I was reduced to only being able to walk and even then I had to be careful.

At the end of August I gave up Weight Watchers and switched to a program called Body Visulas -Body by Vi.  I started the program the second week of September.  I am paying slightly more a month then what I was paying for Weight Watcher's after you factor in they are supplying me with one meal a day in the form of a protein shake thing. 
I was skeptical, but I saw the changes happening in my friend who introduced me to the company and I figured I would give it a try.
I started at 224 lbs.
Without being able to do any useful exercise by Thanks Giving I was down an entire size in pants.
I still haven't been able to get back into exercising the way I was during the summer pre surgery (swimming every Saturday), but I have been walking lots.
My measurements at the start were as follows:
Waist =41.5 inches
Hips = 50 inches
Bust = 43.5 inches

My current measurements are as follows:
Waist = 40.5 inches
Hips = 47 inches
Bust = 41 inches

And according to my broken scale I weight some where between 208 and 210 pounds.

After 3 years of being stuck at the same size and shape I am through the moon.

And this has literally been achieved by starting the Body by Vi and a little bit of exercise.
Now that my shoulder is nearing completely healed I plan on starting back to swimming once a week in the New Year and riding my exercise bike more often.

Money may be tight, but I am not willing to give up being on this program when I am finally seeing results and I feel good.
Not just good because I lost weight, but healthier.  I am less tired even on the days when sleep was elusive the night before.  I hurt less and my craving for sugar (Chocolate) has diminished significantly.  Now I only find myself craving it on days where I am really really stressed instead of daily.

I can finally see me getting back to my post pregnancy weight and then losing another 20 pounds on top of that to reach the weight I feel is healthy for me.  According to the BMI I should be aiming for 120 pounds, I will be happy to get to 150 pounds.  I was happy with that weight.  I haven't been that weight since working for the day care from hell and I was biking 12 km each day to get to work.  I expect to take time to get there, but now I don't feel like it is so elusive anymore.

Toliet Training Maddness The end is Near!

So it's been a rough rough road potty training William.  He actually started consistently going pee when he was 21 months old.
Then he regressed.  It was frustrating.
Then he decided at 2.5 he wasn't going to wear diapers and tear them off.  He was going pee in the toilet/potty 75% of the time and #2's once a month if we were lucky.
At the end of June we went on holidays and I told him flat out he was only getting pull ups at sleep times and long car rides he was just going to have to deal with the messy underwear.
He came home fully pee trained.
Getting him to do #2's has been horrid.  He would go hide and do it and then not tell us until one of us caught wind of him.
We tried stickers, we tried treats (welsh's fruit chews and smarties), we tried sitting him on there about the time he normally went with one of our iPods.
Nope.  Nothing.  Two minutes after getting off the toilet/potty he would go hide and make a mess in his pants.
We thought we had nailed it when we started bribing him with quarters. 
At least he was now going 3 days of 7 instead over every other week, but still he didn't want to go in the toilet.  And actually stated plainly he just didn't want to.
BUT he wouldn't wear diapers.  If we put him back in one he literally tore it off and shredded it.
And then peed in his bed deliberately.
After sparaodically earning quarters from September to late October he got to go to the dollar store to buy something with them.  Suddenly he took notice at what he could buy and slowly but surely he started to get more consistent about going in the toilet.
Then he regressed again.
After the visit to Great Gramma Jean's he started to become more consistent again.  There was a pattern to his going in his pants linked with being mad at either his Dad or myself.
Since the 1st he has only had 3 accidents.  Since the 5th he has had no accidents.  He even went so far as to go all by himself minus cleaning himself up this morning (he still wants grown up supervision for clean up).
Today he got to go to the dollarstore again and spend his hard earned quarters.  He was ecstatic!
Slowly we're going to phase out the quarters and replace them with if you go 5 days (marking them on his calendar) without accidents he gets a loonie etc. and then stretch the amount of time between gaining the money.  Once we are confident he is completely established we are going to set up a chore chart for him to continue to earn money and start teaching him about saving.
He isn't staying dry consistently through the night yet.  He is young and he also has a loft bed and I think it is more a timing issue of getting down out of bed and to the bathroom in time.  That will come with age.

We started 19 months ago and I think we finally may have reached the end of the road.

Determination

Well I feel some what like I've jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire.
I recently made the decision to join the new ST team taking over Waterloo by Night in the new year.
I have been in this role before a few years ago, this time I feel I am more confident, prepared and ready.

I know that the team I am working with are  decently together.  And communicating well.  That is key.  We are excited. 

I have had to struggle through some health issues lately.  At least with the shoulder it was something straightforward and as long as I did as I was instructed I will come out for the better.
How ever my female parts are still misbehaving and the doctor I am seeing is being useless.
This results in things like me going to WBN last night in copious amounts of pain.

The only one who knew was Andrew.  Why?
Because I didn't want people to worry and really, there was nothing that could be done.  And well it's really awkward to say to a group of mostly guys (new ST team included) I am having feminine issues to their faces.
I also needed to socialize.  I have been trapped at home and going out only to physio and class lately.
So my desire for grown up time yesterday was needed.  Between joining Janet and her family at her work Christmas party and pre, during and post game stuff, I got lots of socializing in.

The pain did make it very hard to concentrate at times.  So I am determined enough to make it through a long day, but in the future when I am in the position of helping run the game I am going to have to swallow my pride and tell my teammates what's up.  That way if the curse falls on a game day and I am in pain that much pain they can support me if I start having concentration lapses.  Concentration lapses means I have difficulty thinking clearly and remembering basic rules that I know  (ie combat rules. Though to be fair with this character I hadn't ever engaged in a major combat till last night in nearly 3 years of playing her).


I want an e reader for Christmas so I can read pdfs.  It cannot afford to own a copy of the useful books for WBN and I hate reading PDFs on a computer screen.

Progress!

Well my shoulder is healing well.  I am now doing strengthening exercises.
The tentative plan is that the oldest child (2 year old) returns to care on the 5th of December and the other two (the 15 month old and the almost 1 year old) return on the 12th of December.

The staggering is occurring because my husband is going to be away from December 4 to the 11th and it was a concern I may over do it if I had to go back full time and do everything around the house.

I am so excited.  I have missed the kids terribly. 

The trip to Windsor was pretty good. We stayed with Andrew's grandmother.  Ottawa Mommy (Andrew's Mom) also joined us.  We also were able to go visit Jen.
William is still talking about the Christmas light display at two of the parks in Amherstburg.  I can't wait to take him to the one here at Waterloo Park.
I just have to get William healthy again.  We suspect that he may have an allergy to dogs as by the time we came home from Windsor he was heavily congested. It has now settled into a bad sinus cold.  He won't eat, but he's drinking lots of fluids so we're not too worried.

I am still afraid to start thinking William has finally reached the point of full potty trained except at night (he's just starting to wake up and try to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night).
It started on Sunday while we were in Windsor and since then he has only had one BM accident.  The past two days he even told us he needed to go and got himself to the bathroom in time.
So I am hoping despite his being sick that this trend continues because it will make work that much easier when I start back.

Seriously?

I didn't get it when I lived in the townhouse at Village on the Green.  I didn't get it when we lived in the apartment on Cherry Street, I didn't get it when we lived across the street in the other complex.  I still don't get it now.

WHY do people think it is OKAY to play music with heavy bass at TWO in the friggin morning.
Seriously are they that self absorbed?
Head phones people, it such a simple solution.
Oh having a party and expecting everyone else to be okay with it too when you are so loud you wake people from a dead sleep? Not so cool.  Also WTF
How can you think that is okay?  Disturbing  a hundred or so people just so you can have your precious party?  Not to mention the destruction of property and littering that occurs.

I don't actually care about the bass during the day.  Could care less.  But at 11pm or later.  I sure as hell care.  People are trying to sleep.  And that is what people normally do at that time.  So seriously put some fucking head phones on.
And if someone goes and asks you to turn down your bass because it is intrusive, then be respectful and turn it down a lot.  Not a token effort, that just makes your neighbors angry. And  they call by law and email the landlord.  Again.  Next time, we're just going to call by law.  Why bother wasting the effort to ask if you aren't going to listen.
The first incident I can understand, you are away from home for the first time.  The second time maybe, the third plus times, not so much.

Now I just think you are a spoiled rotten, inconsiderate stupid froshling.

Even the potheads on our other side figured out that we wouldn't call by law if they just turned off the bass after the second or third time.  How ever they also learned we will still call bylaw if they are having a rowdy party where there is tons of yelling and screaming involved because we're not sure we WANT to go knock on the door.
That particular party woke William up to the point that William was yelling at Andrew and I (who were sleeping till we heard him upset) to stop yelling. He was very distressed.

When you share walls with your neighbors you can't treat the place, no matter how much you want to, as a single home dwelling. 
I hate living in the student ghetto.

Remembrance Day

My first memory of a Remembrance Day Ceremony is when I was 5 years old.  I didn't entirely understand who it was we were remembering, but the somber atmosphere made a lasting impression.  This was important. 

I was twelve when I became fully aware the Grampa Hare had fought in World War II as well as his two brothers.  And that one of them didn't come back.  I remember finding out that my Great Grandfather had fought at Vimy and lived. 
I was fifteen when I joined Air Cadets.  In Orillia, and I think every where in Canada, it is tradition to hold vigil at the local Cenotaph.  We stood vigil in 15 minute shifts over the night regardless of the weather.  It poured rain that  year.  I remember being angry at some of the younger cadets for whining.  I remember my parents arriving later in the evening (10pm or so) with freshly baked muffins and cookies to help warm us up.  We hardly faced anything as trying as what those who we were honouring.. 
It was after I joined Air Cadets that my grandfather began to talk about what he went through during the war to us.  We heard about the antics and jokes they played on each other to keep the fear at bay.  The agonizing fear as they sat for four days in their torpedoed ship waiting for rescue.  Only a handful of men died on their ship, one of them was my grandfather's friend.  He told us about how he lied to get into the navy by using his brother's birth certificate.  These were things he had never mentioned or discussed openly.   He has since recorded his memories and until this year gone to schools to talk about his experiences.  This year he is recuperating from heart surgery and only just went home from the hospital on Wednesday..
The next year I stood vigil despite being told not because of my knee injury.  The Warrant Officer accidentally left us out around midnight for almost 45 minutes.  I was in agony, but I refused to collapse while standing vigil.  I waited to collapse till we had officially passed our duty over to the next shift.  I was not allowed back on shift for the rest of the night because my knee had swollen up to the size of a grapefruit and they made me go get looked at by a doctor (the Orillia Cenotaph is in front of the hospital).  I remember sitting with those of my age grouping though higher in rank because of how late I started age wise.  I remember discussing where and how our grandfathers had fought.  I was supposed to be part of the group that stood vigil through the actual Remembrance Day ceremony, but because the doctor had said I was to stay off my knee as much as possible they gave me the honour of laying the wreath for our squadron instead.
Seventeen.  I had quit Air Cadets because between school and working a part time job I couldn't give the commitment it required and I wasn't going to do it half way.  My friend Vicki was directing the Remembrance Day presentation for our high school that year.  She had written a play using some of the students who had gone to war in WW I and WW II.  She had talked with some of their relatives. 
I was the assistant stage manager.  I ended up being in the cast because 9 days before the performance one of the girls quit.  Now I am not an actor.  At that time I could barely get up in front of my class to speak.  But Vicki convinced me that I could do this and that I could do this to honour our grandfathers and the students of our school.  I was the only one who of the girls who could be heard the entire presentation.
When I was eighteen I took it upon myself as my OAC Drama Directing Project to both write and direct the Remembrance Day presentation that year.  It wasn't perfect, but it made a lasting impression on some of the people involved.
I remember giving the play to my grandparents and my Gramma Hare crying and thanking me for making sure they were not forgotten.
I went back to get my missing OAC when I was nineteen.  Again I wrote and directed the presentation. This play was written around the poem In Flanders Field by  Lt. Col. John McCrae.   Even though the teacher's went on strike we still continued with rehersals and it was by fluke we still got to present because the teachers who we were supposed to report to happened to come in as a group to dinner at the restaurant I worked at. 
The presentation was well received.  I was thanked by almost all of the teachers and the principal.
I then quit school because I had gained enough hours at work to be almost full time and I didn't need the last OAC to go to College.
After that I just made sure to go to the local Remembrance Day ceremonies or watch them on tv when I could.  It was hard when I was working at the center because neither center even acknowledged the day and we were not allowed to talk about it at all. 
Having tried to explain to William what Remembrance Day is this year, I can understand a bit where they were coming from.  He really doesn't get what it is about.  What war is.. he sorta understands that it means fighting, but he wants to see the fighting because he needs a context.  He has no context beyond what little fighting he has seen in movies (thanks Cars 2).  He at least understands that war is not a game and that it is not something fun.
Working from home I have talked with the older children about Remembrance Day.  What it means and why we do it.  They all responded well and gave great insight at times into the day's importance.

William is wild this morning.  We opted to stay home instead of going to the local Ceremony where I think he wouldn't have been able to cope.  Especially since it snowed for the 25 minutes during the Ceremony time here.  He did however stop and observe the two minutes of silence unprompted by me.  The fact that everyone on tv had stopped talking had caught his attention and he just stopped, watched and waited.

It bothers me a bit that Andrew doesn't understand why it is so important.  He disdains the armed forces yet his own grandfather flew in the War. 
No I don't condone war, but those men and women didn't die for nothing.  They fought for our freedom.  Was it the most ideal way to gain our freedom?  No, but then it seems ingrained in our society to dissolve into beating each other up to stop the other.  It has gotten better, but we still live in a world where violence and war are present. 
Being disdainful or disgusted with those who chose to fight is a disservice to those who died fighting, those who fought and those who choose to fight now.  They did or are doing something a lot of us couldn't imagine doing.  They are doing the dirty work that we would like to pretend doesn't exist.

And that is why it is important to Remember.

Gaming Writing exercise

So a friend and I are playing a table top role playing game based on the Harry Dresden books.
Just the two of us.  For now he is doing the bulk of the GMing (Game master --story teller) and with some time I hope to take a turn.  I just want to get more familiar with the system and flesh out the NPC (non player characters).
I really like the Dresden system and the story arc we have wanted to run fits into it wonderfully.

As a way to keep me (and the GM) from forgetting what happens I decided it would be kind of fun to have my character right up a session summary in the form of a journal instead of taking game notes like I normally do.
This does two things.  The first is that it gives me a non work-in-progress related piece of writing to work on that is fun. It gives me a bit of variety.  An added bonus is that because the journal is from my character's perspective, I get to show the GM what she thinks is going on.
Secondly I get to practice writing in first person since 99% of my writing is in third person.
I thought it was going to be harder then it was.  So far it has been pretty easy.  Now of course this time I went for a narrative style so I didn't have to worry about dialogue and describing movement etc.
I think the only reason I am not starting off describing everything is because that will take a lot more time to write and eventually I will be back to work.  Being back to work means less time to write.
As it was in the two bouts I took to write the initial summary came out to 1787 words.
I think next time I might try to include some of the dialogue.

:D

Roller coaster ride

3.5 weeks ago my worst nightmare occurred and I found myself injured to the point of not being able to work.
For someone who is self employed this is a huge deal because not working = no money coming in.
The other worry was that until this past Monday I didn't even know if I would be able to go back to working in my current job.  I didn't know if I had torn my rotator cuff and if I had, then my days of working in child care were done.  A torn rotator cuff pretty much means I can't lift anything of substantial weight (25 pounds or more) constantly every day.  It would also mean surgery and a lengthily recovery.

Now I am looking at 3-5 more weeks before I can go back to work.  Now I am licensed through Wee Watch so the three children I had full time have been in back up.
Today I learned that I will in fact be having a 4 year old and a 6 year old start right away (Monday in fact).  At the same time I learned the parents of the 11 month old who was in my care want to keep their back up provider.  This is not absolutely set in stone yet, but still I can't say no you have to come back and neither can Wee Watch.  Ultimately it comes down to what the parents feels is best for the child and we have to respect that.
On the other hand the one year old's parents and the two year old's parents are counting down the days until I am back to work.
Also C is lining up an interview for a 3 year old for me.  She is banking on the 11 month old staying where she is based on comments the parents have made and also feels its in my best interest for me to have older children given my shoulder.  I agree.  Just an interview doesn't guarantee the child will be in my care in December when I return to work. 
It's frustrating, but a hazard of working in my field as a home day care provider. 
The ups and downs of having a full house and not having a full house is tedious.  Especially when I need to be working at capacity.
On the other hand at least I was smart enough to obtain private disability insurance so I will get some money for the time off. 
The time off has given me lots of time for introspection.  In truth I was wondering if I actually wanted to keep working in my chosen field.  After 3 weeks off, the answer is yes.  I miss the kids.  Perhaps the injury is a blessing in disguise in that it's giving me the opportunity to fully recharge. 
I am looking forward to having an older house.  My favourite age is the 3-6 year old group. 
So in the long run I would be quite happy with having a 1 year old, a 2 year old, a 3 year old, a 4 year old, a 6 year old and William (also 3).  I would be as equally as happy to keep the 11 month old in lieu of the 3 year old.
Time will tell.
Now we just have to survive financially while I finish healing over the next month or so.

Another use for this spot...

Someone pointed out that I could use this space to blog about the books I am reading.

I read a lot.  I have toyed with writing reviews in the past but not followed through because I have my LJ set to a very tight security setting.

We shall see.  I could do a run down on the Dresden books and the final book in Jim C Hine's Princess series.

Another use suggest was writing about the ups and downs of being a home day care provider.

When did this get here?

I have no idea why I created this.  Wish I knew how to change the title.  According to blogger it was in April.

Not sure what I thought or planned to write here about.  Most of what I have been writing about of late on my live journal is not fit for public consumption.

Perhaps here I should focus on talking about writing.
Or being a parent.
I don't know.

Since the take over of FB and twitter, it's not like people seem to pay attention to their friends blogs or ljs anymore.