Where is the line?

I have been struggling lately with several people, including family, whom are of an older generation and the "opinions" they hold.

I struggle with the fact that they claim to be open minded, accepting and non judgmental.

Yet they make racist comments about religions they know nothing about, and to my knowledge know no one who is apart of them.

They claim to have done research yet continuously claim false facts, facts that can actually be verified through our Provincial and Federal government websites.

They claim things were so much better back "in their day."

They claim this while having daughters.

Daughters whom "back in their day" struggled to be accepted as equals.  To be paid as equals.  To be seen as equals in all fields of vocation.  And if we go back far enough, Aboriginal people and people of Colour weren't recognized or treated as equals either.

So how was it so much better "back in their day" that they would be willing to give up those rights their daughters, sisters and wives have now? Or their friends and family of differing cultures and heritages?

When has it ever been okay to make fun of another minority, gender, nationality or religious sect just because you think something that is different, or you don't understand is funny?

It's never okay.

This isn't being weak.  This isn't being a "weak overly sensitive pussy."

This is holding people accountable for racists and hurtful acts, no matter how harmless you may think it is.

There can be no gray area when it comes to when is it acceptable to poke fun at one group versus another.
Who gets the power to decide when such actions, statements, jokes, memes, posters etc are okay?

How does that each tolerance?

How does that teach "treat others as you would like to be treated?"

And adage that is found universally through most religions across our world.

Yet I am being insensitive, rude and judgmental when I pointed out.

I am wrong.

I don't know what I am talking about.

Just like I apparently don't know what I am talking about when I had to explain and argue "rape culture" and how my own father and several others on my friends list were perpetuating said culture.

No woman EVER asks to be raped.  It doesn't matter what they are wearing or whether they were drinking or not.

No means No and if we didn't say Yes it still means NO.

To imply a man cannot be held responsible for their actions because of what a woman is wearing is shameful.  To imply a man cannot be held accountable for their choices when drinking but hold a woman accountable is horrid.

The MAN chose to act that way.

The WOMAN did not choose to be raped, assaulted, groped, catcalled at or rude sexual innuendos shouted at her.

I have been the victim of being sexually assaulted when I was in Venturers.  I was groped unwantedly by a youth in another group from mine. I was 14.  I said nothing because back then (23 years ago) I would have just been told "boys will be boys."

Up until I gave birth to my son and gained weight I was the subject of wanted attention in the gaming community as well as just out on the street in the regular populace.
Propositioned, threatened, unwanted advances all because of my gender.

I wasn't dressed in any sexy way.  I didn't ask for it and I didn't want it.

Now I am subject to fat shaming.

Because I am overweight people pass judgement on me all the time.

Despite the fact I exercise, I eat fairly well because I am not "skinny" I must be lazy, useless and worthless and stuffing my face with junk food at all times.

Yet members of my own family and others of the same generation think it is perfectly acceptable to make "fat" jokes, or woman jokes.
And don't assume I think it is acceptable for woman to make Men jokes.  I don't.  I think both types of joke are equally distasteful and hurtful to how we view each other.

They think that just because it was acceptable 30+ years ago it should be okay now.

It isn't.  If you claim to be embracing all the changes that have occurred over the past 30+ years than you have to educate yourself and grow as a person.

I was told that I shouldn't be so happy that the USA finally made gay marriage a thing.  I was told that it wasn't that big a deal.  I was told that oh well all it means is that more people can get divorced.
It is a big deal.
They DIDN'T have the option before.  This also meant that if they had children together and something happened to one of them the children COULD and likely WOULD be removed from the other parent because they weren't married.
Getting married gains access to SO MUCH MORE than the ability to get divorced.  Legal rights, especially when it comes to health, benefits, children etc.
AND the freedom to CHOOSE to get married.

It wasn't that long ago that people of Colour couldn't go in certain stores, sit in certain areas etc.  Yet we celebrated that as a big thing when they gained these rights.
Sadly we have far to come with regards to how they are treated within our legal system and by our law enforcement regardless of whether we look at Canada or the USA.

So why do we diminish the importance of the right for ALL people to be married?

Life is journey of learning or a lot of you keep claiming on your facebook pages.

So if that is true why are you offended when I call you out on your outdated points of view, offensive remarks and disrespectful comments?  Just because it was okay back than does not make it okay now.

No this doesn't mean we are going to pretend it never happened, but perpetuating out dated opinions and points of view is counterproductive to moving forward in our world.

Yes you are entitled to your opinion, but when some of you claim to be "Good Christians" what ever that is supposed to mean, and pass judgement on others and make fun of others all in the name of being "funny" it seems to go against what I know to be the teachings of your Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.

I may not be Christian, but I am well aware of this man's teachings.  No where does he condone making fun of another's beliefs because you think it's funny.  Nor does he claim that it is okay for us to pass judgement on others.
If memory serves, he actually says the only one we need to face judgement to is God.  Whether you believe in what the person practices or believes Jesus teaches to be accepting of others.

One of the greatest pastors I ever met was years ago when I was going with friends to a Youth Group.
He stated that it didn't matter if we thought being gay or bi, or a different religion etc was a sin.  We had to accept these people for who they were.  Treat them with kindness.  The only one who had to the right to judge them was God.  He believed God was tolerant and so should we be.
Alas he was replaced shortly after that and I abruptly stopped attending as the new pastor had quite the opposite view.

There is no line for tolerance.
You either are tolerant of others or you are not.
If you are not tolerant of others, then it stands to reason you also do not respect the others rights to believe in something different than yourself.
And that is why our world still suffers hate.

Because intolerance and disrespect breeds hate.

And as I have watched this long drawn out election go on and the way some of my friends and family have poked fun, or flat out spouted WRONG information about the niqab as well as argue that it was a REAL election issue makes me feel embarrassed and ashamed.

Such a trivial thing when our Aboriginal women continue to disappear or be murdered at an alarming rate.  And I am told that it isn't as important as the niqab because how dare someone cover their face during a ceremony?!
We as Canadians have the blessed right to wear what we wish, yet all of a sudden a group cannot wear a head covering because their face is covered.  Despite the fact ALL of their ID has their actual face on it and they MUST show their face to the appropriate officials.
And I wish I could say that this would have been an issue if men were the ones wearing the niqab, but alas I don't think it would be so.

We say we have come far, but we haven't.

So no I am not overly sensitive.  And if you are uncomfortable with what I had to say, good.

Maybe you will think, learn and grow.

Maybe you won't.

If you think I am doing it for the attention get off my Facebook/Google+/Blog etc

I think I have been pretty clear that I suffer from Severe Depression, Severe Anxiety and PTSD.

So if it makes you uncomfortable or you think when I post or comment about struggling that I am vying for attention, you clearly don't get mental illness.

And you _clearly_ don't know me.

I'd happily not feel the way I do if I could choose.  And no, it isn't as simple as choosing to change my mind and thought process.  I've struggled with this for so long without help and support to know that the belief I can fix my mental illness by sheer willpower is a load of sh*t.

There is a lot going on right now in my life.  Unfortunately due to the nature of what is going on and the fact it doesn't just effect me, I cannot say anything much until a resolution has been met.

All I can say is what is going on directly has an impact on my life and my future.

So for the first time since finding the right balance of medication and finishing counselling, I have stopped sleeping, been going through the motions, eating poorly, unable to stop the constant worrying about EVERYTHING.  And I literally mean everything.  Over analyzing every nuance from random conversations, texts, phone calls, emails, things I literally have no control over and stuff that happened YEARS ago that has no bearing on anything now yet my mind fixates and replays it over and over again, and all of it negative thought.

But you were out with your friend being silly with hats the other night, how could you be fine than and not now?

Simple.  I literally lived for 10 years pretending to be okay all of the time.  And just under two years ago I hit rock bottom.  So suffice to say I have practice at fooling the world.
Not only that, my friend Joe knows what is going on and knew I needed to just get out and as always when he and I hang out we found something silly to get up to.

And no, back on the 20th of September when I posted pictures of my son celebrating his birthday I was not being overly dramatic when I claimed "he was the only reason I was still among the living."

That is the hard truth.

If I had not had my son, I would not be here today.  I would have taken my own life at some point.
Because yes, it was that bad.

However the only thing I ever wanted to be when I was growing up was a mother.  It took 2 years of trying before my son was conceived.

It was his face, his smell, his warm body and eventually his hugs and kisses, laugh and voice that kept me going.
When I couldn't sleep or the darkness of depression was becoming too much I would go to his room and pick him up and hold him close.  Keeping close the best thing I ever had a hand in creating in this world.
Reminding myself he was the reason I had to keep living.  There is a reason he knows the Love You Forever story by Robert Munsch by heart as well as the song "You Are My Sunshine."

I am not okay.  And if I don't  start heading back toward normal soon I will be going to my doctor to see what he suggests we do about it whether that is returning to counselling or temporarily upping my antidepressants or both.

This is life with multiple mental illnesses.  Some days/weeks/months are better than others.  And every so often when life throws extra curve balls one may need a little more help, compassion and understanding as one struggles to cope.
If you wish to judge me instead, I don't need you in my life.

To the rest of you who have been understanding, compassionate or helpful in your own way, thank you.  It makes a difference.  ((HUGS))
Also thanks Andrew for having W call me even though today wasn't a day he was to call.  It helped.
Glad he's with you this week while all this goes down.