It's Not Your Child, It's Mine

To the Parent at my son's Parks and Recreation Program,

I am trying my hardest not to single out your child with regards to mine.  It's not that she is doing anything wrong for a child her age.

It's my son I am worried about.  See with his ADHD he doesn't deal to well with others getting right into his space, especially his face (yes I know he gets into others space from time to time, trust me this is an improvement from how he used to be). He also doesn't deal well when someone gets right in his face and is loud.

Your child seems to see something in my child that she likes.
Which is cool.

The challenge is that my son doesn't see age.  He is going on 7 and your child is 4.

Socially, they are not at the same level solely because of their ages.

He sees someone getting into his space and yelling/just being loud really close to him and it causes him to become anxious.  He doesn't get why she doesn't stay back when he says stop or why she doesn't get he doesn't find her copying him funny.

Unfortunately when he was in school he had classmates who copied him on purpose to get him mad so he sees it as her teasing him, not her copying him because she thinks he is funny and neat.

I try to redirect my son for her safety, not because she is the problem.  She is there learning too.  She is there to learn how to work in a group, respect her peers and follow instructions all the while having fun.

My son is there too, for similar reasons.  Just if he falls apart it can go poorly for everyone.

On an excellent day he will remove himself when he feels overwhelmed, use his words and ask the teacher/adult for help.

On a good day, like today, he needs a little support and we can redirect him and get him to stay close to the teacher when he struggles to explain her closeness and loudness are troubling him.

On a middling/okay day, he might have a yelling and crying melt down.  Need a break from the group and then return without any issue.

On a bad day he could haul off and smack your child before any of us realize it's about to happen.

And ultimately it's your child getting hurt that I am worried about, not her behaviour.

So remember I am not passing judgement on your parenting or your child's behaviour when I try to redirect my son away from your child, I am just trying to keep what can sometimes be a ticking time bomb from going off.

Sincerely,

The Parent with the ADHD child