The How to of Finding Good Quality Child Care

The most commonly asked question I get from my friends with children is what should they look for when in the market for a home child care provider or day care centre?

I figure if I write it all down in one place, I can just link people to the blog instead of constantly rewriting the same information over again.


Are they licensed?  And if they are a centre is their license full or temporary?

All Day Care centres in Ontario must be licensed.
A temporary license will be given if a centre is found to not be in compliance with the Day Nurseries Act (Ontario legislation) and they will have a specific amount of time to fix the issues before the license is suspended.

Private Home Day Care providers can be licensed without having to use a business like Wee Watch.
Every Region/County in Ontario has a Children Services department.  They have people who will come into your home and make sure you are in compliance with the Day Nurseries act, the Health and Safety regulations etc.

There is NO REASON a private home day care provider should not be licensed EXCEPT they want to dodge the ratios outlined by the Day Nurseries Act.

Why do you want your home day care provider to be licensed?

Well otherwise there is no one checking in on them to make sure they are doing what they should be doing to provide a safe, healthy and nurturing environment.

I have seen a private provider at the park with as many as 11 children of which 6 of them were 3 years old and younger.
To be clear ratios for Licensed Home Child Care are the total children in care must not exceed the following: 5 under 5, 4 under 4, 3 under 3, 2 under 2 and 1 under 1.
The provider's children count toward this ratio until they turn 6.

I have heard stories of children being stuck in front of a tv for the entire day while the provider sat on the phone talking to her friends.
Or people looking after children who have not had a criminal reference check done, a Children and Family Service Check done or have no First Aid or CPR training.
You want at least the Criminal Reference check done and that the provider has a CURRENT First and and CPR certificate.  Don't take their word for it ASK to see it.

Also licensed homes must have all their pets (cats and dogs) vaccinations up to date and are guaranteed Smoke free homes.

My mom tells me a story of a woman who would take the kids to the McDonald's play place send them in and then sit and drink coffee with her friends all day.

Licensed providers are not infallible,  but the chances of having glaring obvious failings and safety issues are drastically reduced.

The things to look for Centre or Home:

Cleanliness.  Yes expect some dirt, there are children involved BUT things should still be relatively clean.

Centres: How long has the staffed worked there?  --why you wonder?  Because a centre where the staff turns over frequently (were the majority of the staff is there 2 years or less), is a HUGE sign that the centre has issues.  It means that the staff are treated poorly and paid poorly.  It means that the children are shuffled around like animals to meet ratios regardless of whether that is good for the child.
It means that the staff are less likely to be fully involved with the children and spend a lot of time sitting around gossiping instead of implementing programming because they don't care or are burnt out.
Why don't they care or are burnt out?  They got the job because the centre was desperate.  Or they were   fully involved but the politics of the centre has worn them down, there is never enough of anything (toys, art supplies sometimes even food).
How many of the staff have their Early Childhood Education Diplomas? and are registered with the College of Early Childhood Educators (RECE)?
You would be amazed at the number of staff who are non ECEs.  Though by Ontario Legislation each classroom MUST have one RECE at all times in it.

This is commonly found in For Profit Centres where the centre's bottom line (regardless of what they say) is about making money, not your child.

What you want to hear is that the majority of the staff have been there for over 2 years and have either their college ECE diploma or some form of Children studies/specialty University degree.

Meal Plans:
Do not assume that just because your child is at a centre that means the food they are serving your child is guaranteed to be nutritious.  Sadly buying bulk, cheap no name products is one way a lot of centres (ESPECIALLY the For Profit ones) do to cut costs.
Ask to see the menu, ask to talk to the cook when you go on your centre tour.  The person cooking your child's food should have had some sort of culinary training or experience.

Home day care --ask what they feed the kids and how they prepare it.  Steer clear of the ones who use the box special dinners/hot dogs/KD.
And for the record Peanut Butter and Jam sandwiches is a nutritious healthy lunch especially when paired with vegetables and fruit.  You would not believe me if I told you how many people over the years I have argued with over "how unhealthy peanut butter is."

Programming: aka Activities the children do
You want to hear/see that the children are doing something more then milling around engaging in free play.  In Centres there should be Circle time, Science and Math centres/activities. An art centre that is OPEN all the time.  If the Art centre is an area that is closed off to the kids during free play AVOID.
It means the centre is really low on art supplies OR the staff are too lazy to want to deal with the mess that generally accompanies art.
It is required that the Art centre be open during Free Play (not necessary all the art stuff, but within reason) at all times in a centre toddler age and up.  There should be a sensory centre (water or sand or play dough, beads, shredded paper etc).
There should be a book centre, some form of dramatic arts (House centre or Tool Centre or Store etc).
The bins for free play should also have a variety.  Feel free to go peek through the bins on the shelf.
Just because a centre has lots of bins does not mean it has lots of toys.

A centre better have some form of playground equipment, sand box and MANY balls, hoops, riding toys etc for outside play.

In a Home Care setting, there should be a variety of toys.  Some form of drama centre, a quiet/book corner, a yard with a variety of toys or a really close park to play outdoors in.
Proof that Art does occur.  Same with sensory (even if it is just pictures).
Circle time in home day care doesn't happen often.  Partly because they don't know about it and partly because it is really hard to do a Circle (songs, stories and some form of theme related activity) with such a varying age group.
For example I have (depending on the day) a 1 year old, a 1.5 year old, a 2 year old, a 2.5 year old and a 3 year old through most of the day.  The 1 and 1.5 year old and the 2.5 year old have difficulty sitting for even 1 story/song.  For some the expectation has never been there coupled with each child's differing developmental and skill levels.  So I end up breaking up the circle activities through the free play time doing it with pairings of the children.  Though before nap time we ALWAYS read at least 2 books as a group ALWAYS.

Location:
What works best for you.

Don't judge a provider based on what you think of the neighborhood around you.  (Just because I live in the student ghetto doesn't mean I can't provide good care for your child).

BUT avoid centres and places that are run out of very old houses OR have portable classrooms attached to them. OR smell musty.
Why?
Mould.
Plain and simple.  Building codes were different back then.

It frightens me that the one centre I worked for STILL has its portable classroom.
The portable was 30 years old when I first worked there 9 years ago.  It had leaked for 10 of those years.  To my knowledge it still leaks (last I talked with someone who worked there).
Every child who had an allergy to mould developed asthma within months of starting.
I quit because I was so ill.  I had constant sinus infections and my Ear nose throat specialist actually told me I had to find out where the mould issue was (home or work) and leave because it was going to do permanent damage to my lungs and sinuses if I stayed.

Really you want a place that feels inviting, is bright and welcoming.

Cost:
It varies from city to city.  All I can tell you is that the most expensive is not necessarily the best.  And going with the cheapest may be easier on the pocketbook, but not necessarily best for your child.
Infant to Toddler (under a year to 2.5 years old) end up in home care a lot because the cost of centre care for them is significantly more.

Pros and Cons for a Wee Watch type agency versus Private Home Day Care
First of all a Wee Watch type agency is an agency that provides a service in that they have licensed their providers through the Region (Family and Children Services).  They hire their providers as contract employees.  They make sure they are adhering to the Region (Day Nurseries Act) as well as their own standards with regards to programming etc.
Wee Watch is the most common one across Ontario, but there are other similar style agencies out there.

The Cons to Wee Watch are that you are limited to interviewing the providers who have space versus who is closest to your home or work.
The Pros are that they provide back up care when your provider is off sick/on holidays.  You don't have to pay for your holidays as long as you provide the office written notice two weeks before.

The Cons to Private Providers are the lack of back up care when they are sick or on holidays.  They generally charge 1/2 price to full price when you take your holidays.  Some may even make you pay them while they are on holidays (which is ridiculous.  I always maintained that parents paid me for Statutory holidays that was it).  They may not necessarily be licensed.

The Pros to Private Providers are the choice.  You will have more choice for location, area of town, neighborhood etc. Otherwise they will provide the same style of care as a Wee Watch agency provider.

You are more likely to find ECEs (not necessarily registered) in Private care over agency care.

Why?
Because you make more money doing private care.

So why do I use Wee Watch?
I don't want the hassle of chasing parents down for money.  So I take the pay cut for Wee Watch to pay me and they collect from the parents.
Why?
Because Andrew may work a real job, but as a PHD student he does not get paid a real wage.  I need to know what I am getting paid is going to be there and on time.

Also Wee Watch interviewed me and hired me within a week of submitting my Resume.
The Region (Waterloo does not have a great name for itself then or even now) finally returned my calls 6 weeks after I had started working from home.


Final piece of advice.  ALWAYS ALWAYS go with your gut.  If something feels off or not right, pay attention to it and go with it.

Self Help Skills

Something I have noticed more often than not over the 11+ years I have been working in the field of child care is people grossly underestimate what children can do.

They also fail to communicate important details.

Seriously, how am I supposed to guess if you don't tell me that your child cannot drink out of a regular cup?

At over 2 1/2 years of age I expect children to be drinking from a regular cup.

Mainly because when I worked in the day care centre as soon as a child turned 2-21/2 they moved to the junior preschool room and then the child had no choice but to drink from a regular cup.

Also my own son was drinking from a regular cup at 18 months, and for the most part so has every other child in my care.  Occasionally some were closer to two, but always by age two they were using a big kid cup (aka a regular cup).

Sure it can be messy, but the more they do it the better they get at using the skill.  Practicing with small amounts of water is the best way.
My rule is you have to demonstrate at snack times you can drink with out dumping for a couple of weeks straight before you get your milk at lunch in a regular cup.
Though recently I had a child who floored me by being the complete opposite.  He would not spill a drop of milk when using a big kid cup, but would make a royal mess with water.  Apparently he really liked milk.
Just goes to show you that not every child fits the norm.

Fork/spoon use... also something I have seen a lot of kids struggle with over the years.  I have lost count of how many children I have seen in the centres or had come through my house for back up or even in my care that could barely feed themselves with a spoon at age 2.

Spoon use should start before a year.

No I don't expect them to actually feed themselves, BUT they can certainly try while you use a separate spoon to help.

Generally a child can spoon feed yogurt and applesauce by about 12-18 months if they are given the opportunity to do so.  --sometimes younger.

Yes the process is messy, but again how else do they learn and practice the skill if they aren't given the chance?

Fork use, trickier... depends on the child.  I have given forks to children at 18 months, most always by 2 years of age.

Sippy cups... as soon as they will take one (4-6 months +)

When to ditch it?

At the table:  As soon as they have mastered drinking from a regular cup.

Outside and through the day: By about 3.  When they can easily ask for a drink when they are thirsty.

And then use it only for those busy times like going to the park/in the car/at a party.
The times where spills are likely to occur or the child to forget about it and toss it aside.

Though at 3.5 years + they should have a proper water bottle over a sippy.  Why?
Because eventually they go to kindergarten AND you want them to know how to drink from a water bottle BEFORE they start.
Spare your child copious amounts of teasing because you send them with a sippy cup to kindergarten.


It is also not unrealistic to expect children 2+ to start taking a more active role in dressing and undressing themselves.  Otherwise the whole wanting them to learn to go to the bathroom by themselves is pointless.
Especially in a setting where they are not the only child around.  Knowing how to get one's pants down  by oneself can mean the difference between being successful at going to the bathroom and failing miserably.
They should be putting on their own shoes by 2.5 years of age.  They should be helping/doing most of taking off and putting on their own pants, shirts with help, socks with help.  Coats if taught the fun magic flip it over their head trick can be expected as early as age 2.
Zippers/snaps/buttons on average is 4+ years old, can occur younger depending on the interest of the child.

No it is not unrealistic to expect children at 18 months + to start to help pick up toys etc.  Yes they will need direction, BUT they can successfully help.
This is generally helped greatly by making it into a game (how fast can you go?/Can you find the ____ and put it in the bucket?) and singing some sort of song (most common is the Barney Clean up song or you can do what I do and pick a common children song tune and make up your own lyrics).

Seriously accountability and self help skills are something we need to be doing all the way along otherwise it is just becomes a battle later.

None of what I have written is new or mind blowing.  Most of it you can find on a number of parenting and child development websites and in numerous books.

Which makes me wonder why there are so many people who are so undereducated about their children?

Even I sot help from books when my son came a long.  Sure I had been working in child care for 5+ years.  All the children I cared for were 11 months old +
I knew nothing really about what to expect for a newborn child and it had been 7 years since I had taken the Infant and Toddler class in college.

Asking/looking for advice and help is not a bad thing.
It's never been so easy to gain information about child development and parenting advice.

Especially when you can go do it anonymously through the Internet if worried about what others might think.

11 Years with WBN

So tonight was an anniversary for me as a gamer.

Tonight marks the 11th year of my journey with Waterloo by Night.

The circumstances that led to me beginning with  the WBN LARP were not necessarily ideal, but none the less it was the start of long winding road.  Thanks Dan, Michelle and Brandon.

If you had told me 11 years ago, the girl knowing almost zero about RPGs/gaming etc, would one day be running the whole thing I would have laughed hysterically at you.

Trust me when I say that the team at the time I started failed me when it came to explaining what the game was about and how to create a character.  That was back when we were playing Masquerade.

But here I am.  Player for 10 years and now Story Teller to WBN.

Still learning.  Enjoying it far better then I ever expected.  I have learned a lot and am still learning and you know what I discovered?

That WBN has some pretty awesome players.

Sure there have been bumps in the road, but on the whole the entire group has been pretty understanding and helpful.

I know the setting of the game.  I know the social rolls and aspects of the game decently.  I suck at combat.
Perhaps because in 10.4 years I never played a combat oriented character.  So thank you all who have had to suffer through me running combat scenes, but I learn best by doing.

I also have to thank the previous ST team Alex and Ange in their support in helping me learn the ropes, Jon and Sean for starting the journey with me and for James stepping up to be my partner in crime.

I like telling stories.  I like seeing the stories unfold in game.  I like the fact that James can take my ideas and help me flesh them out to fit the system.

I do miss playing, but for the moment I find STing as rewarding, though different from being a player.

Gaming Achievement Unlocked! x2

So back in February myself and another fellow gamer took on the task of taking over Story telling the Waterloo By Night LARP.
Six months have gone by, that's right, six months!
If someone were to have told me 11 years ago when I was first introduced to WBN that I would be running the game, I would have laughed hysterically.  Especially since I walked in with almost no gaming experience and zero knowledge of LARP.

On the up side, 6 months have gone by and the game hasn't disintegrated.  Its had a population explosion and a change up in my partner in crime (Co Story Teller).  My original partner had a bad case of life, but has returned to playing and has a character that amuses me muchly :)

So what did I do for a new partner in crime? Our assistant extra support guy stepped up to join me and my crazy plots.

This leads us to this past weekend.
My new partner in crime's sister got married this past weekend.
This meant I was running game on my own.
I can now add to my gaming geekery resume that I successfully ran WBN all by myself and the game didn't implode.
I also had awesome support from the former STs with before game stuff and character creation (3 new players --technically 4 we had a late show but he was content to peruse the books).

Though my head is still spinning information overload wise.  A lot of things went down, some I know about because its plot and other stuff -politicking I don't know.  It was a lot to take in.

There may be some personality clashes and differences of opinion from time to time, but I have to say that overall the players of WBN are a fantastic group of people.
The player words of encouragement, support and offers to help with anything at all on Saturday were numerous.

It makes one feel all fuzzy inside to know that people care enough to help.

:D

Gaming Achievements Unlocked:
Solo Running LARP
6 months as a Story Teller of a LARP

Do's and Don't to Children's outdoor clothing

It never ceases to amaze me the short sightedness we have with regards to our children and their outdoor clothing.
From the parents who buy everything too big to guarantee that the clothing will "last/fit" for a long time to those who buy what fits perfectly right now or rely solely on hand me downs and consignment.

Now of course all of the advice below can always be thwarted by a child's ability to exceed our expectations growth wise.  They like to keep us on our toes.

Between my son and 11 years of working in child care I have come to learn a few things about out door clothing and children.

Shoes and boots... shoes and boots are the one item you don't want to be buying too big.  There several reasons for that and the biggest one being it's not good for the development of their feet.  It can do damage to their muscles and bone structure if they are wearing shoes that are too big.  The other big reason is because it is a safety hazard.  Children wearing shoes or boots that are too big are constantly tripping and falling when they walk, run and climb.
If your child is not walking, robreeze makes an awesome line of soft bottomed shoes/boots for outside time, mostly important for warmth.  Otherwise the little ones should be going without shoes until they start walking. Slippers and such for when you are out and about is fine.

Do buy boots and shoes with velcro fasteners.  They are easy for both parent/care giver and child to get on and off.
Do not buy boots or shoes with laces for young children.  Young children cannot tie their shoes.  Shoe laces also come untied easily and become a tripping hazard.
Do not buy boots or shoes with zippers.  WHY?  Because the zipper pulls break incredibly easily and then getting the shoe/boot done up becomes increasingly difficult.  OR the zipper will start splitting from the bottom now making the shoe/boots useless as the can no longer stay fastened and therefore fall off the foot.
Shoe/boots with pull strings for fasteners are okay for children who have the dexterity to do them up themselves.  They are okay for young children, but not so helpful in the preschool age when you are trying to foster independence and encourage putting on/taking off their own clothing.
Also used shoes and boots may be cheap, BUT consider this: Their are studies that have shown it is unhealthy for us (not just kids) to wear used foot wear because they don't offer the support our feet need (the support having been worn down by the previous owner) and because we have a unique foot print that we imprint into our shoes.
So yes, you can buy used shoes and boots but look at the inside of the shoe carefully.  If it looks well worn, chances are it's not going to be comfortable for your child and it will not have the support you child's foot needs.
If you do buy used also look at how worn the velcro is, pay attention to the soles, especially where they meet at the toe and heel.  And if you are buying tie ups, look for wear around the eyelets.
One thing I have learned, in young children, especially ones who drag their toes when they walk, buy hard toed or rubber tipped toed shoes (or boots) over material (cloth) toes.  You will get way longer use out of hard toed style shoe/boots and you won't find yourself having to replace a pair of shoes while you are out shopping because the kid stumbles, catches his toe on the edge of a sidewalk and rips the sole from the material of the shoe and now has what I call a "talking shoe." This happened only a mere two months after purchasing that pair of shoes.
Rubber boots -My only advice on rubber boots is to ensure a wide opening at the top for getting feet in.  The narrow ones, though nice looking are hard for younger children (especially the preschoolers) to put on by themselves.  Oh and don't buy thing rubber boots, they can puncture too easily.  And I love the boots that come with handles on the sides!!

Crocs.. are great for quick errands and the beach.  They are not great for outside play time.  They are loose fitting and can cause blisters, twisting and slipping when running.  They fall off too easily and they make your feet smell.  They are not a cheap replacement for summer sandals.

Flip Flops...  Just don't.  They aren't good for your feet.  They do not stay on.  You cannot run/jump/climb safely in them.  The ease of putting them on does not make up for their being incredibly unsafe for outside play.

Coats -  Coats is one of the items you can buy a little big.  A little big, not so big the child has to have the sleeves rolled up several times and the coat hem (unless it is designed that way) hangs to their knees.  A coat that big is drafty.  How is the coat keeping the child warm if it is so big that you could fit two of them inside?
On the other hand buying a jacket with no room to grow becomes increasingly frustrating as the season progresses and their sleeves are only reaching 3/4 of the way down their arms and the coat barely zips up.
In my experience, between my own son and 11 years of child care, about half a size bigger then the size the child is currently wearing is in the fall is best.  Unless you are looking at a one piece and then consider a full size depending on your child's body type --especially if they have long legs and long torso.  Otherwise you find yourself having to find a snow suit in February (not that I have personal experience or anything... sigh).

Snow pants/splash pants - This is also an item you can buy a bit big, but again not so big that the pants cover their boot/shoes.  If you get them too big it means your snow pants/splash pants will be damaged by your child walking on them.  They don't keep you warmer/dry if you are walking on them and saturating them with snow/water.  They also are a safety hazard as they make it near impossible to walk or run without falling and tripping.
Now some snow paints still may fry around the hems, that has to do with the type of material they are made out of.  The "slipperier" snow pants tend to fray faster/more often then the other kinds.
I prefer the snow pants with the straps over the ones that come to the waist, but that is really just my personal opinion.  I prefer the strapped ones to strapless because when playing in the snow, especially sledding, children are less apt to get snow down their pants or up their fronts.
Splash pants... don't buy wind breaker material splash pants.  They are a waste of money.  They do nothing to keep the child dry.  The only thing wind breaker material splash pants have going for them is that they will keep your child cleaner, but I reiterate, they do not keep the child dry.
Splash pants don't have to be lined.  Lined ones just keep a child warmer in the early wet spring weather and later fall weather.
Also you get what you pay for.  Cheap does in fact mean cheap etc in this instance.


One piece snow suits.... They have their place.  BUT if you have a long bodied and long legged child you will have to buy a full size bigger then they normally are if you want them to wear the suit through the entire winter.  They are excellent for babies and toddlers.  For preschoolers and older... for every day wear (keeping in mind that they are going outside at least twice a day) one pieces are impractical.  They are harder to get on by oneself.  If the weather is milder they can't be separated.
One pieces for infant/toddlers -- if they can walk and are in child care, the one piece cannot have attached material booties.
An infant/toddler who is walking and going outside MUST be wearing hard soled boots.  This is for safety on many levels.  Safety for making sure they don't cut their feet.  Safety in ensuring they don't get frostbite because material boots are not meant to keep your feet warm if you are walking on the snow.  Neither does the material keep your feet dry.  Children who are walking in one piece suits with material feet when playing outside fall down A LOT.  If you want a suit that has booties for travel in the car etc, then purchase the ones that either roll down over the feet (Columbia makes a good one) or detach from the feet (via snaps, velcro or zippers).  It gives the best of both worlds and means the child will have a more enjoyable outside experience when wearing the proper foot wear.  And it also means they won't be stuck sitting in a stroller or sled the entire outside time because they don't have proper foot wear.

Winter Hats -- you can buy hats a little bit big, but not so big that the thing never stays on their head and isn't constantly falling into their eyes all the time.  Hats are so easy to buy because you can try the thing on them before purchasing it with ease. Things to look for are how well it covers the ears, is there a clear front and back, is it snug enough that it's not going to fall off the child's head at the first hint of wind, is it warm enough?
What do I mean about warm enough?  Thin knitted hats are pretty useless at keeping the head warm if the wind and air can blow right through them.  A nice thick knitted hat, or lined knitted hat is better.  Aim for velcro fastening or snaps over ties especially in young children.

Mitts and gloves -- Mitts only please for the 5 and under age grouping!!  Mitts keep our hands warm better.  They are easier to put on then gloves.  There are two kinds of mitts the what I call "errand" mitts and the "outside play time" mitts.  Errand mitts are not waterproof.  They can be thin or thick and fleecy.  They generally only cover the hand and wrist.  These we typically purchase from the dollar store.  They are great for walking to the store, going in the car etc.  They are not good for playing outside.  Especially if your child is in child care and will be outside two hours of the day (typically an hour in the morning and an hour in the afternoon).  The outside play time mitts are waterproof.  They are the ones with then nylon outer shell etc.  This is the one item that I shocked myself by actually spending $40 on two pairs of mitts this winter.  Why?  Because they last the entire winter.  They keep the child's hands warm AND dry.  One pair has a zipper down the side from fingers to the cuff so that the hand and thumb can be put into place easily.  The other has a similar feature but using velcro instead.  The zipper pair goes slightly past the wrist and the velcro pair go all the way up to the child's elbow.  The velcro pair are excellent for when we go sledding and also because my son does not like his mitts coming untucked from his coat sleeves.  We bought a cheap zipper pair from the 'W' store last year and they did not hold up.  The zipper pull broke, they did not keep his hands nearly as warm or dry.  Thankfully his pair of good mitts from the year before still fit because they had been given to him a size too big.  And the "cheap" pair from the 'W' store was only $12.  The zipper mitts were $15 and the velcro mitts were $19 plus taxes.
Mitten clips... yes please!  Save yourself money and worry of losing the child's mitts.  Unsafe you say!  Not so, children's mitten clips are designed to release automatically if enough pull is applied to the mitt.

Sun Hats - really just make sure the hat fits the child's head well enough.  Depending on style, most children's hats are adjustable.  In young children try to find ones that fasten around the chin.  Most of them don't like to wear hats and having it fastened to them means you have about 30 seconds to a couple of minutes longer of keeping it on their head then without a fastening.

Sun glasses  Look at the age and temperament of the child and then decide if you are going to invest in a pair of sunglasses for them.  If they are so young they are just going to rip them off and throw them every moment they get, don't waste your time.  That being said, tempermanet plays a big part because some infants and toddlers will gladly wear them.  I suggest buying a cheap dollar store pair and see how your child responds.  Really don't start to force the issue till they are 3+

General advice about sizing
Pay attention to sizing differences from brand to brand and store to store.
I have found that George and Joe Fresh brands are typically smaller then say The Childrens Place and Bonnie Togs.  Though Zellers and Old Navy sit some where in the middle.  The Gap depends on the style and whether it is boys or girls... sometimes they are on the bigger end and other times they are on the smaller end.
Use the shoe sizing mats at the stores that offer them!  If you are not sure of your child's shoe size, trace and their foot on paper, measure and look it up on line OR go into some place like Kiddie Kobbler and get them to measure your child's foot.  A proper fitting shoe is key!

Nobody likes change

Things to consider when putting a young child into child care for the first time (center or home care).

Please, please, please, please if you co sleep with your child do not spring on them the having to sleep by themselves for the first time when they start child care.

Please please please if you get your child to fall asleep for nap all the time by driving them around in your car/rocking them/feeding them/walks in the stroller also do not spring on them having to suddenly go to sleep without this aid.
Please please please at least try and get them comfortable sleeping in a crib or play pen even if only for 20-30 minutes.

Seriously.  I get doing things for the sake of ease.  It's why my own son ended up co-sleeping with us for the first 9 months.
And I get some children are way flakier with napping then others, my son was one of those as well. He didn't start napping regularly (more then 30 minutes at a time at roughly the same time every day) till he was over a year and about 15-16 months old for sleeping through the night for more then 6 hours.
I get the need to get them to sleep for sanity's sake and for want of sleep ourselves and doing what ever works to make that happen.

BUT why set your child up for more stress when the whole starting child care with a more or less a perfect stranger is stressful enough on it's own??
If you co-sleep start trying to get the child to sleep on their own for short periods of nap time.
If you breast/bottle feed to sleep, start putting them down while they are still awake after feeding instead of feeding till they fall asleep.
The rocking/held/driving start by rubbing their backs/tummies while they lay in their crib or play pen.  Back rubs I can replicate!!!  With 3+ kids, holding one till they fall asleep is not realistic.

After 11 years in the field and my Mom doing home day care for a good portion of my life, I recognize kids are going to cry at nap time (there is the rare one who doesn't care) for the first while from any where up to 6-8 weeks after they start.  And some will always cry for a short period before falling asleep as part of their routine.

BUT the one's who co-slept, or were breast fed to sleep, or rocked/held to sleep or driven in a car to fall asleep, they scream longer and louder then the rest.  Because no one likes change.  And they are voicing it to the world that they don't like these changes.

This isn't a point the finger of "you're a bad parent for doing this" this is more a "please be aware of what you are doing to your child when you don't think or choose to help them adapt" as well as a "please don't be upset with me when your child doesn't sleep regularly or is screaming through nap time till they adjust."

I HATE making children cry it out.  It's why at the 20 minute mark, if they are still screaming bloody murder/in distress crying, I  bring them back down stairs.  If they are doing that not quite crying whine cry then I leave them a little longer to see if they will fall asleep or revert back to screaming then bring them down. If they are babbling to themselves I leave them for as long as they are not crying or until an hour passes.
Why an hour?  Because that is the minimum length the Day Nurseries Act states a child under 5 must rest/sleep during a day in child care (center or home care). This is up to a maximum of two hours, we bend the rules a bit for the infants (0 months to15months as they can still nap several times a day).  I also don't make the 3 turning 4, 4 and 5 year olds nap.  They don't get a nap at school so I just set them up to do quiet activities for the nap period.  In a center the 4 and 5 year olds aka the Senior Preschool group, are made to lay down for a nap.

Just some food for thought.

The oddities of the way children think

So today we went to the Toronto Science Centre for friends of ours son's birthday.
We had an awesome time.
William didn't stop talking about it after we got home.

We put him to bed late because he fell asleep on the drive home (slept from 545pm-700pm).
Thirty minutes later we hear him yelling for one of us.
I go up and climb into bed with him (he's in a loft double bed).
He is clearly upset.  When I finally get him calmed down enough to understand what he is saying I realize he is agonizing over the fact he got separated from us briefly in the Science Arcade.  And clearly it scared him.  It was only a minute or two that he was away from us.  He had moved onto the next exhibit and hadn't realized Andrew and I were not following him.  He immediately turned back around and came back to where he had last been and found Andrew and I looking for him.

Apparently this scared him more then he let on at the time.
I spent the next hour walking him through what to do if he did actually get lost.

Someone, not Andrew or I, has started to teach my son that you never talk to strangers.

This pisses me off because it is seriously wrong and messed up.
How is the kid ever supposed to make friends if he can never talk to someone he has never met through me or his father?  How is he supposed to ask for help with something if he can't talk to someone I or Andrew have not introduced to him and why has it suddenly become taboo to be polite and greet people on the street/in passing etc????

I have taught William that he can talk to people he doesn't know.  He can greet people (Good morning/afternoon/night, How are you etc) and he may tell them his name.
He has also been taught he can never go with someone Andrew and I don't know and that he doesn't know regardless of whether it is a kid or a grown up.

So I helped William work through what to do if he gets lost anywhere.
I told him that if he got separated and went back to where he last saw us and we weren't there to stand still.  We can't find him if he keeps moving.  I then told him if someone asked him if he needed help or was lost he could answer yes.  I told him if they tried to get him to go somewhere he was to say no and that if the person wanted to, they could stay with him while he waited for us to find him.  I also told him it would be a good idea to tell that person our names (which he knows well).
Though I did tell him that if he got lost in a grocery store that going to the person working at the cash register was also acceptable.
We repeated this several times before he calmed down and was able to relax enough to sleep.

I feel weird

So today I closed the last three of my student loans.  The collective total was less then Andrew's tuition for this term.  So we decided to roll them over into our Line of Credit for the sake of ease.  Especially since the benefit for leaving them as Student loans for a write off is so tiny at the loans' current sizes.
It's an odd feeling.
Finally being free of that EVIL Center of DOOM.  To be fair my one of the loans was with the Royal Bank because it pre-dates January 2001.  The Royal Bank was nothing but a pleasure to deal with.
NSLSC not so much.  These were the people who twice over the past 10 years started debting my payments from me TWICE a month two months in a row and I had to fight almost four months to get that money back.
And then called me every day for a month after I got my money back to tell me I was behind on my payments.

They also reverted my last name back to my maiden name this year after everything coming to me in my married name for the past four years.  They told me I had to go through the same rigmarole as I did the first time to get it changed back. I looked at what I owed.  I looked at our line of credit and said "Screw you NSLSC!"  and promptly paid the loans out.
Then I went and looked at the Royal loan and said "Seriously?? That's all that is left on that one?" and paid it out too.  It would have cleared itself with the automatic payments by April.

It is nice having all our debt consolidated into one place.  We are now paying it off faster at a lower payment per month versus everything being split up at varying interest rates.

I received my tax receipt for Wee Watch today.

And there was a good reason we were in dire straights financially this past year.  I can now point at it and show my husband and say "See I wasn't making it up all along."
I made significantly less this past year then I have ever in my 5.5 years of being with Wee Watch.  I was also off eleven weeks plus any sick days (maybe a week's worth) and doctor appointments (4 days).  That is more time off then the year I had William.
I have also not had a full house since December 2010.   I worked some pretty crazy hours to make up for it, and nearly burnt myself out.  And my body rebelled... (Had to have the pilonidal cyst removed AND moderate sprain of my right shoulder accounting for nine of those weeks off).

Though things have only improved marginally, I will not budge from my Monday to Friday schedule.
I will not budge from my 7am-530pm hours either.  I am no good to anyone if my health goes to sh*t.  And as we learned while I was off with my shoulder, there is NOTHING out there that I will bring in as much money as I currently am without going back to school.  Especially when you consider the fact that Andrew barely makes a real wage as a Doctorate Student.  Sure we qualify for subsidy... 8 month waiting list and we would have to pay for child care out of our pocket and they only back date a month of fees.  So I would be working out of the house to pay for child care.  Seemed kind of pointless.  In the end my shoulder was fixable and I was able to go back to work.

As of next week I will have all my under 3 spots filled.  Now I have to find children 3.5 years old and older if I want to have a full house.  This means school-aged kids with before and after school care.  With subsidy still having their waiting list and everyone and their uncle now running a home day care in this neighbourhood (and many of them are pretty sketchy.  --There is a reason home day cares should be forced to be licensed!! -that's whole separate rant to itself), it's not likely I am going to find anyone soon.

Once William starts kindergarten I will have two spots for younger kids again.  I'll actually have room for another 1 year old.  So if anyone knows someone who will be going back to work from a maternity leave in September feel free to give them my number.  I have a spot.
I love having been able to be with my son while he was little, but I resent the people who imply that it didn't cost me anything in child care. William counts toward my ratio.  Therefore he costs me a spot while he is under the age of 5.  So what you all pay in fees per a month to someone/some place is what I lose in income per a month for having William home.  So in around about way I DO pay for my son to be in child care by not getting paid for the spot he fills.

With luck Andrew will be done his PHD in December.  And maybe in January he will start working some where that pays him a real wage.  And likely he won't be doing three peoples work plus his own any more either.  That online comic PHD Piled Higher and Deeper really isn't far off the mark with regards to the life of a grad student.

And for all of you who keep asking me WHEN are we going to START trying to have another BABY?
Likely we'll start trying sometime near the end of this year.
William asks me daily (every night before bed) "When are you going to make me a big brother?"
He really really really wants both a brother and a sister.  I told him "he'll get what ever comes out when Mommy does start growing a baby and there will only be one."
I would gladly get pregnant now as I would rather not wait given my age, but I'd like to know if we are going to have to move in the beginning of 2013 and I don't want a wee baby or to be pregnant if that were to occur.

ASL 102

So I am starting my second course in the American Sign Language program that Conestoga College offers.

We have a different teacher then the one we had for 101.  He's incredibly funny but has an ENTIRELY different way of teaching.  I don't mind it, but I also miss Kathy.
Some of my classmates are going to suffer when he starts docking marks for talking instead of signing in class.

I can now count from 1-100 :)  My brain is too overloaded to actually explain anything else I learned tonight it was that intense.  Oh other then I now know the sign for twin, sweetheart, partner and in love.
Of the 10 people in the course 8 of them are from my 101 class.  The other two took 101 in the winter 2011 and summer 2011 sessions and the 102 classes didn't run in the summer or fall due to low enrolment.
Hopefully this won't be an issue for my group since of the 8 of us 7 are planning to take the program to it's full completion.  I believe we need 8 to make a class run.

Wednesday nights are going to be fun.

End of an Era and the Beginning of a New One

So last night was pretty much my last night playing a player character in Waterloo by Night.
It feels a little surreal to be done as a player.
In February I will be one of the Story Tellers for the game.
Last night was also a couple of firsts for me.

First time doing Character Creation for 4 brand new players on my own for a good portion of the time.  I was very thankful for the help over the course of the evening from the current team and my co ST.

I also narrated a simple combat during the course of game, because the 3 current STs were all busy and I wasn't doing anything of major import in character so I just walked over and did it.
Now that may not seem much to some of you, but I have little experience with running combat in the World of Darkness setting or even being apart of combat. I have never played a combat oriented character in WBN and rarely engage in combat.  The table top games I have been apart of are not helpful because I generally played the healer, or the system is too different to use for comparison.
So for me, this was an achievement and it also let me know that my head won't explode when I have to narrate combat.  :)
I will probably carry the books around for reference for the first because I recognize this is a weakness of mine and it will take some time to memorize the information required.

It was also amusing and a bit unexpected to see the twists and turns players caused to plot and the direction it was headed last night.  Some of our plans for transitioning certain things has literally been thrown out the window.  But hey it was some awesome role playing that brought about those changes and I look forward to coming up with new contingency plans.  Just reinforced the advice the current team has been telling us about expect the unexpected and be flexible.  Players will always do something you don't expect them to do.

:)  I have to say earlier in the fall I was a little skeptical about my decision to take on the challenge of Story telling a larp.
Now I can say I am excited and look forward to this challenge.  I look forward to learning new skills and utilizing the skills I already have (and in some cases didn't realize I had).
Oh I expect we will make mistakes big and small.  None of us on the new team have run a larp,  But everyone has to start at the beginning and how else do we learn?

Blogger fail

I am tired of the list of blogs I fail disappearing and reappearing at random.

Blogs I unfollow staying in my list for up to a month or more and Blogs I do follow randomly becoming unfollowed.

And yes I have notified Blogger each and every time it happens.  They must get annoyed with me.  Since the one issue happens every 3 days.

Perhaps I didn't choose the best place for a public blog.  Maybe this is why I started it so long ago and didn't actually use it? (Created it in April 2011 and didn't start using it till late summer/early fall 2011).

Do I stick with it or move it else where?

Decisions, decisions.

Unexpected Flaw

The changes of children in my group are starting to affect my son in ways I never thought of.

When I was growing up my Mom did home day care.  Maybe it was because I was older and in school when she started that the coming and going of children didn't bother me much.
Lately I feel like I have been a revolving door for children.  It's starting to take its toll on my son.
In some cases those children just disappeared with no warning.
Last year it started with NT abruptly stopping coming because his Aunt was visiting from away and then they moved with no warning.
William was devastated he never got to say good bye.
Then I had the two little girls come for back up, one was only here a month when things fell apart financially and they had to end care.  The other should have stayed with me until she started school, but Dad sat on the fence post and they ended up going back to their old provider till the fall.
Both children were a year older then William and he ADORED them.  The one girl had actually been here several times in the past for back up.
William was very sad that the girls weren't coming anymore, but he still had E (a year older then him) who had been in care with me since he was 6 months old.

Then there was A the 7 year old. Who's parent had the audacity to give me an ultimatum that I take her child till 730pm or end care.  I ended care.
He was a great kid, but for two days after school a week and I wasn't working past 530pm anymore, that wasn't cool.
Again, another child ending care with no good bye.
Again it was weeks before William stopped asking me where he was and if he was coming.

This summer I was the revolving door for back up because I asked not to take on any new children to the fall when I learned of my surgery scheduled for early August.

This was a bit confusing for William, but because I phrased it as such that these children were just visiting for the day (or week), he was less upset when they didn't come back.
He still asks where P is, I keep reminding Wee Watch that if P needs back up I have the space currently.

End of August and beginning of September saw two young children start with me.  One who was 9 months old and the other 12 months old.
This also marked the end of Miss E coming to care because of their impending move to England.
We continued to see Miss E right up until they left in mid October.

William thought the "babies" were great except when they knocked his blocks over.  They provided a bit of a distraction from noticing Miss E no longer coming.
Then I injured my shoulder stopping a child from falling down the stairs.
I was off work for 7 weeks.
William was a bit upset but C continued to visit off and on through that time and I kept assuring him R and CL would be returning when I was better.

Then there was the interview for the 4 and 6 year old that confirmed and then cancelled the DAY BEFORE they started.  William had fallen in love.  He was excited.  I was excited.  And then I had to break it to them that they were going somewhere else.  He cried for an hour.

Then CL ended up discontinuing care abruptly shortly after starting back in December because of some flimsy excuse.  They felt their barely one year old child was missing her "girl" friends at the other provider and wanted to return her back there.  In other words they were not happy that my group was all boys.  Despite the fact it was all boys when she started in August.
Again another child leaving with no good bye.

William has not stopped asking me yet when CL is coming and why she isn't coming.  Because he doesn't think the answer I give him is good enough.
He's also been pining for Miss E.  We've skyped a few times, but the realization that she wouldn't be at his birthday this year had him sobbing himself to sleep the other night.

William has one heck of a memory.  As far as he's concerned his friend Miss E has been at every birthday he's had.  Which is true, she only came to one birthday party, but because she was here for day care, she was also here for his actual birthday.
We were talking about how old we all are now turning because of the new year and I guess that is what got him to thinking about his birthdays.

He still hasn't quite grasped that Miss E is in another country and that we can't drive to her house anymore.  He also doesn't understand why we can't just get on a plane and go visit on the weekend.

Thankfully he always seems better after a skype session.  Thank goodness for the Internet.

So I have a full time spot (baby to 3 years old) and two part time spots (school age 4+) open.  I am going to put a post back up on Kijiji this week.

In the mean time the September Posse (all 3 boys have their birthdays in September) and I will continue to have fun.

2011 A Year in Review

I made some resolutions last year.

One was to get healthy and the other was to write more.

I partially succeeded.

I am healthier.  Despite the sprain to my shoulder.  I have lost weight.  I am feeling better.  I am rid of the literal pain in my rear.  August to September were incredibly long months as I healed from the pilonidal extraction surgery, BUT IT IS GONE!  No more horrid antibiotics.  No more feeling run down and tired all of the time because my body was constantly fighting off an infection.  No more having to say to William "Sorry no Mommy can't do that she is sick."
No longer do I have to worry if I am over doing it standing/sitting/exercising wise.  I can go down a slide with my son or the day care children without fear.  I can go TOBOGGANING with William!!!!
I am no longer paranoid about falling when walking on slick surfaces and am more apt to go ice skating this year and take William with me.
Emotionally...
I am more balanced I guess.
Still working out exactly what my path is Spiritually.  Been asking questions.  Reading and waiting.
I needed my physical health to be less precarious before I added something to my plate.  I want to commit fully to a path, not half way.  First I have to find the path.

Writing wise.  I did not write as much as I wanted, but I did write.
So there was some improvement in that department just not as much as I wanted.
I suspect I am just going to have to pick three set times a week and ensure that nothing interrupts those writing times.
I know I will need to do this because though work has normalized to a more regular day schedule I have taken on the responsibility of being one of the Story tellers for Waterloo by Night, the local Requiem larp.  That responsibility fully begins in February.  I am still wondering what I was thinking when I decided to take this challenge on, but I feel up to the task.
This time round I won't be finding myself unexpectedly pregnant.  (Last time I stepped up to the ST team I learned a month or two later I was pregnant).

We have not been trying for a sibling for William for about 6 months now.  We have been taking measures to ensure we don't accidentally have an oops.  This was brought about mainly to me being referred to the surgeon for my pilonidal cyst and its eventual removal.  I did not want to be pregnant while that was going on.  About the time we were thinking of ending the measures in place I injured myself at work. 
We cannot afford for me to get pregnant.  Hopefully toward the end of this year we will know that Andrew is going to be done his PHD and we can start trying.
I don't want to be having children once I am past 35. 
I walked away from both my doctor and gynecologist very jaded and bitter.   Neither seems to think what I go through every month is problematic.  Hell my gynecologist had the nerve to accuse me of lying about my history despite the fact she has a f*cking file with tests SHE sent me for that show that I have major issues with ovarian cysts and signs of scarring from Endometriosis.  But apparently she only remembers being my OB.  So I suffer in agony upwards of two weeks of every month because since I get my period every 30-56 days (each month varies), there is nothing wrong with me because I get my period.  0

So if  when I finally have a second child I won't be going back to her or my useless family doctor.  I will get a midwife and I will continue to go to the walk-in clinic I have been going to since I moved to KW.  It may suck to have to wait upwards of 3 hours to see a doctor, BUT at least they are competent and they listen.  I have received better care from that clinic over the past 6 years I have had a family doctor. 
I will still likely go to the hospital for birthing.  I don't feel comfortable having a baby in this town house.  Not to mention with the complications I ended up having with William I would worry way too much.
But there is still time to think on those choices.  First I have to get pregnant again.  Which will happen in good time.  Though William has asked me on average of about twice a week when I am going to make him a big brother.  He WANTS to be a big brother and he doesn't care if it's a brother or a sister that comes out.

So my goals for this year are not a whole lot different from last year.

I plan to write more.
I am going to continue to strive to continue to become healthier in mind, body and spirit.
I will find a Spiritual path to walk.  And hopefully a group to connect with as well.

Not really resolutions, but life goals.