Seriously Parents Give Your Heads A Shake

This post has been inspired by this:http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/education/free-range-parents-plan-to-file-lawsuit-after-police-pick-up-children/2015/04/14/ed4f7658-e2b7-11e4-b510-962fcfabc310_story.html

I'd like to say that this state's mindset is far and few between, but it isn't.

I can remember when I was in Waterloo listening to parents go on about how they couldn't let their 8+ year olds walk the 2-3 blocks alone because "they might be kidnapped or molested."

I can remember the very same parents also claim that the following:

1. Our society is scarier than when we were young/our own parents were young

2. The pedophiles are more plentiful than they were a couple of decades ago

3. That kidnapping by a stranger is the most common form of kidnapping.

Alas none of those statements are true.

On point number one, we are actually safer because we KNOW what to look out for.
And on the whole we don't need to worry too much as long as we teach our children how to be safe when on their own.
NOT terrified of strangers.

On point number two, again no it isn't that there is more, it's that we are aware of them, they get charged and placed on a Sex Offenders list now.  Back even 10 years ago incidents like that were hush hushed and brushed aside.  It's only because victims started taking a stand that things changed.
Also sexual abuse most commonly happens between people who are known to the child, not a complete stranger.  Someone with a position of power and trust over a child who can be easily manipulated.  I know that if my parents had talked to us and had the dialogue I had with my son, we would have said something when we were abused by a then family friend 28 years ago.
It was something that was talked about.  People didn't know how.  And that is how pedophiles got away with it for so long.

Point number three...  http://www.canadasmissing.ca/pubs/fac-ren-2014-eng.htm
When looking at the second chart, the kidnapping of a child by someone known to the child is nearly 10 times higher than the number of children kidnapped by a stranger.
I am not sure what an accidental kidnapping is, but it warrants higher numbers than kidnapped by stranger and behind that is abducted by a parent. The most common cause of missing children in Canada is wandered off.
** I was told on a public Canadian parenting forum that I lived in a bubble and was lying to myself because strangers kidnapped kids and killed/abused them daily.  That I had no statistical proof.  The same "parent" then had me banned from the forum after I posted the above link and demanded politely she show her proof for her "claimed statistics."  Apparently she was friends with the moderator of the group.

I have lost count the number of times children were yelled at by their parents for talking to me when I was at the park with 4-6 children depending on the time of day.

The day that took the cake for me was when the girl (6 years old) fell on the monkey bars, hit her head, and I rushed to help her because her mother was too busy chasing after the girl's brother (3 years of age who was ignoring his mother and she was making a game out of getting him to come back instead of making it clear it was not okay to go running off, especially toward the Spring swollen creek) came back and screamed at me for talking and touching her child.  I explained the child had fallen and hit her head and I was seeing if she was alright.  Not once did she stop to ask her daughter if she was alright or if she was hurt.  Instead she told me to "Not f*cking ever touch her daughter," then grabbed her daughter's hand and dragged her home.

What did the parent think I was going to do?  Molest her child in plain sight in front of 8 children and two other adults present?  Kidnap her child along with the 5 already in my care that day?
Seriously.

There are people on parenting forums who are APPALLED that I let my 6 year old son go the the public bathroom by himself.  He's 6, he doesn't want to go to the "girls bathroom."  He knows that he has a certain amount of time before I am coming in after him.  He knows if someone tries to do anything to him that he is to "freak out" and be as loud as possible.

These people are also APPALLED I let my 6 year old play unsupervised in the fenced in back yard of my house.
I played unsupervised in my UNFENCED backyard when I was his age.  We were allowed to go play at the school park when I was 7 unsupervised, though I will admit it was probably because my Mom could see the school yard from our back yard, but still it only takes seconds for something to happen.

Heck these same people would probably have a heart attack if they knew that I used to let my son when he was 2, 3 and 4 years of age when we lived in Waterloo, play in the tiny fenced in, childproof back yard on his own.  He thought he was on his own.  He never clued in that when he was outside I was sitting on the couch beside the sliding glass door to outside keeping an eye on him.
He didn't gain the privilege of playing with his sidewalk toys (Cozy Coupe, trike etc) unsupervised till he was 4.  And he lost that privilege for  two weeks after the third day because he went outside of his boundaries.  After that there was never an issue.

When it comes to public places, my son already has a healthy understanding of what it feels like to get separated in a large crowded place.
He was 3 turning 4 when we went to the Science Centre with friends.
He got ahead of us in the one area, not realizing we had all stopped to look at something.  Now we had already discussed other times what to do.
The first thing he did was come back to the last place we all were, which happened to be where we all were.  He came back about a minute after we realized he wasn't with the group.  I saw him come running through the crowd with a look of sheer terror.
I calmed him down and then we discussed what he did right.
We also reiterated to him that if we hadn't been there he was to stay put because we would come find him.

Present day, this is still the strategy we use, except if we are at something like Canada Day, Ad Astra, Mariposa Folk Festival, we have taught him to look for the Information Desk/Table or the First Aid Tent.  Both places have people who can help him find his Dad or I.

He still doesn't know our phone number.  He struggles with memorizing numbers, however he knows our address here and both his Dad's and my full names as well as his Grandma and Grandpa's full names on both sides of the family.

Now since he can shut down and stop talking when really upset and overwhelmed, when we were at Ad Astra, they gave him a weekend pass card on a lanyard.  On the back I wrote my name and cell number so that if he got lost, couldn't find the Information Desk or designated safe people (friends who I had identified for him who had ways to contact me) he could go to the hotel lobby and show it to someone at the desk.

It made him feel safe.  It helped with his anxiety about getting separated from me.  And he also had confidence in the fact we had a plan and HE knew what to do if anything happened.
It was him who pointed out to ME that he would always be able to find the Information Table because they had put colour coded tape on the floor to help people traverse through the vast space and maze of the hotel.  He knew he had to follow the blue tape and by that point he knew all the volunteers at the Information Desk because he liked to stop and talk with them.

This is what street proofing your child should look like.

Yes he knows not to take anything from strangers, not to go with anyone he wasn't given permission to by me or his Dad.  We've even role played scenarios to help him.  He's been taught it is perfectly fine to talk with strangers at the park etc.  That it is okay to give his name, but not our address.  Safe topics with strangers are things like, weather, how are you to day? etc.

At what point does "protecting" our children become overkill?

Are we now saying our parents and grandparents were horrible, terrible parents because they let us play outside on our own, walk to the park on our own, walk to school more than 1km on our own, go to our friends on our own all without the "security blanket" of a cell phone that didn't exist back than?
Are they terrible horrible parents because it was okay for strangers or other kids parents to tell us to behave when we were caught doing something we KNEW we shouldn't be doing?
Instead parents ignore the issue and go after the strangers/parents for harassing their son/daughter.


William already knows he will not be getting a cell phone till he is in his teens.  He will likely have some form of tablet-like thing when he gets to be a preteen, but he doesn't need a phone.

It scares me the number of websites that have tracking apps for parents to spy on their children etc.
How will these children and young adults ever learn about trust --including who to trust?
I'd be really worried about what led these children/young adults to believe they can just do what they want regardless of boundaries and rules set out.  Perhaps not enough appropriate consequences or follow through on the parents' part?
Oh there will always be the exception to the rule.  That's just how life works, but the majority, no we don't need to be tracking their every single move.

The younger children are taught to take responsibility for their actions and themselves, the better off they will be throughout life.

People UNDER estimate the abilities of children at almost every age.
We need to raise our expectations on some levels, not lower them.
Especially with regards to respect, empathy and self sufficiency.