Consistency is Key

I think I have been saying Consistency is Key since college.  I don't recall which professor said it in my first year, but it has stuck with me ever since.

A conversation over some of the issues that are arising out of my son's class sparked this train of thought.

See we don't see even a third of the negative behaviour that is occurring at school with my son at home.

Even at Beavers he has pushed the limits, but only twice has he even come close to doing anything resembling what is happening at school.  His Dad complains a bit more about negative behaviour, but that I think is mainly because he hasn't seen his Dad in two weeks etc.  There are other factors causing the behaviour.

Consistency.

It is key.

I can't stress that enough.  If you go back and look at my blog on tantrums, I feel like I say it at least 10 times.

Doesn't matter what aspect of parenting, teaching, home day care, preschool etc etc etc you are involved in being consistent is important.  It doesn't matter the philosophy either.

Children need to know what is expected of them and what is going to happen when certain things occur.

If there is no consistency then they will use that to their advantage be it positively or negatively.

My son has now "tried" 5 different reward based systems at school.  I say "tried" because with the exception of the sticker chart none of these have been tried past the 2-3 week mark because they weren't working.  
I am using a modified of the second version to decent success.  He has criteria that gets him a reward if he follows through.  There are 3 goals set out each day.  One goal is always achievable, not ridiculously easy, but one I know he can meet with ease (getting dressed/washroom routine at meal times or setting the table/clearing the table etc).  He needs to feel successful for this to work.  The second goal will be something he can do, but struggles with from time to time (ie getting dressed/undressed for outside/school).  The third goal will be something he is working toward but doesn't do consistently at all (cleaning up properly, homework (reading etc), Listening and participating at Beavers (this has been down graded to a goal 2 now).
He always gets the goal 1 achievement.  The rewards on goal one range from little bugs and such from the dollar store (sold in packs of 8, he gets 1 per successful day), goal 2 can be things like educational iPad time (means he has to play his games not mine) or snack treat he doesn't get often etc, goal 3 are things like iPad time where he can play any game he wants (aka Angry Birds, Cut the Rope etc), tv time, going to a movie etc.
Each morning we review what the goals are for that day and we go from there.  He is allowed reminders as long as he doesn't throw a temper tantrum (rare at home) or start screaming at me (was becoming an issue since mid January).  Either of the two behaviours I just mentioned occur and he loses the reward.  Though the screaming gets one prompt of "You need to Stop, Breathe and Think through what your choices are.  You keep screaming we are done."
After the second week there has been a significant decrease in the screaming and currently all I need to do is the cue of Stop Breathe and Think and he comes around within 30 seconds.

They are still struggling to get consistent success at school.  In part because I don't think they are consistently implementing anything they have tried with him.
And neither have the expectations been explained clearly to my son.

He can't tell me why he is getting a star.  He just knows if he gets 5 of them he gets to do something he wants for 10 minutes.  Generally that something he has picked out at the beginning of the day.

So what are they reinforcing?  Because I don't know.

On the days that the extreme negative behaviour has occurred I will also be told leading up to that point he had met his goal of 5 stars (or whatever it was at the time).

So clearly something isn't working if he is succeeding at getting his stars but he is still reacting extreme emotion wise.

Perhaps because nothing is truly being reinforced?  Or consistently implemented to truly reinforce something?

Being told "you need to do good things" to a child is pretty vague.

What are "good things?"

What do "good things" look like?

Last year I loved the program his kindergarten class ran.
It worked strongly on teaching children to look at each other and recognize what the other was feeling.

There was a very clear, concise short list of classroom rules that went something like the following:
1. Keep your hands/body to yourself unless helping a friend
2. Listen to each other
3. Talk to each other and if that doesn't work ask a teacher to help out
4. Share and take turns with toys
5. If you made the mess you help clean it up
6. If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all --specifically no name calling
7. Make the Right choices.  Life is about choices.  You always have a choice in every situation.
If you make a mistake, it's okay, learn from it, fix it or deal with the consequence, move on.
8. (was added mid year) Tattling means trying to get someone in trouble on purpose, telling means there is a problem that someone isn't listening or being safe.

And they were reiterated, they were talked about and reinforced daily.  William could sum this up to me with no problem by the beginning of the New Year.  They also had a program going where every day a child was Captain Medium.  Captain Medium got to be the line leader for the day, take the attendance to the office and that sort of thing.  He/she was also responsible for helping her/his peers remember the rules or appropriate behaviour for the classroom.  To be medium was to keep calm, not too silly, not too loud and be a good friend by listening, helping and communicating (talking) with each other.

The above was applied consistently, expectations were clear.  The consequences were clear (time away if they were really upset, sitting down away from the group if hands on was involved, giving back the toy if they took it away, talking it out with the teacher's help if necessary when disagreements occurred).  The fact is by the end of the year most of the class could articulate clearly when they were upset with each other and resolve it on their own most of the time.

And now all my son can tell me is that they have to do "good things."  And tattling is a daily occurrence.  My son tells me there is a child in his class who tells the teachers that he hit him even when he wasn't anywhere near the kid and the teachers's believe the kid who is lying.  He also tells me the same kid does this with almost all the other boys in the class.

I have asked several times in person, and in writing what the classroom expectations/rules are that they children are being told regularly so that I can help reinforce them by reviewing them at home.

I am still waiting for an answer.  The Principal couldn't tell me anything useful either despite claiming "the teachers in his room are doing some good programming to help him cope."
She was a bit taken aback when I said it would probably be more successful if they stopped changing what they were doing every couple of weeks.