Not Life Threatening, just life changing.

Now that I have processed the results of my doctor's appointment last week, I am ready to share.
It has been a bit of a struggle on how to write this, but I am okay with being open about it.  There is no shame in anything that I have.

So last week it was my turn to finally get to meet and discuss me with our new family doctor.

I was fairly confident about this appointment in light of how well he listened to me about my son and got the referral to the Success for School program for William.

We had done the cursory stuff at the general appointment back at the beginning of January.  One of the reasons for my appointment being so late was waiting for the files from my former gynecologist's office to be forwarded to him.  The other because we needed a longer appointment time and I wasn't willing to discuss my issues in front of William.

What I wanted to discuss was my on going battle with Depression.  Anyone who is privy to my live journal would know that this isn't a great surprise and has been on going for years.
That I had tried to do something about it a couple of years ago, but was fluffed off by that doctor as just needing to "exercise more, lose weight and get more sleep."
So I continued to hold all the pieces of me together and threw myself into my work and other things in my life to try and keep the darkness at bay.
I succeeded in making others believe I was okay despite falling apart on the inside.

Anyhow I knew things had been getting progressively worse and the break up didn't help much either.

I hadn't realized just how bad things were, and as the Doctor pointed out, how well I was managing despite it all.  It was also recognized that I was right that I did need to get help or things would eventually get the kind of worse that I have been worrying about.

After a lengthily 45 minute (my appointment was supposed to be 30 minutes) interview and 3 surveys later I was diagnosed with severe Depression, severe Anxiety and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

All I am willing to say about the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is that it is from being sexually abused when I was 9 years old by someone who was a friend of the family at that time. That is all I am really willing to say on this subject at this time.

The Depression and the Anxiety are linked to the PTSD and have had other life factors build on top of them.

I am on a medication to treat the 3 disorders -Cipralex.  I have been referred to the counselling program through my Doctor with the Couchiching Health Centre.

Tuesday was a hard day because not only did I find out just how bad things had gotten I had to find the courage to talk to someone I had only met 2 times prior to the appointment about a sensitive time from my past.  I didn't cry my way through it, but spent the entire time on the verge of crying which is just as draining.

No I haven't noticed anything yet with regards to the medication, too soon to tell ask me in another 5-7 weeks.

So far I am only suffering from benign side effects like dry mouth, lack of appetite and being really tired by about 10pm.  The only reason I am currently up is I am on fever watch with William.

However just the relief of finally having my issues recognized and something done about them has been tremendously huge burden lifted off me.

So not life threatening, but certainly not what I was expecting with regards to the out come of my doctor's appointment to be when I went into it last Tuesday.

The important thing is that I am going to be okay.