2013 -Year in Review

Well I'd have to say this is the year that didn't go quite as expected.

If you had told me this time last year that William and I would be living with my parents in Orillia I probably would have laughed at you.

Yet that is my reality.  Just shy of 6 months ago I told Andrew I was leaving him and just over 4 months ago, after living in KW for 11 years I moved back home to Orillia.

I'd have to say it was the hardest thing I ever did, but I don't regret my choice.

I did everything I could to try and salvage a relationship that had been failing for over 5 years.  It cost me a lot and I am still paying for the mental and emotional drain that pretending for everyone that everything was okay created.  Not to mention the jaded bitter person I became.  I didn't like what I had become and I am slowly finding who I am again.  It's been a hard journey, I may not like me yet, but I no longer hate who and what I am and that to me is a step in the right direction.  I wish I could say there was even a glimmer of hope that there was a possibility of fixing things to the point of getting back together, but for reasons I don't care to get into there is no chance of that ever happening.

It is so nice to not have to live a lie and pretend to everyone that everything is okay when it really and truly wasn't.  Those of you who were closest knew, but even then there were times and moments where I even fooled you.

Yes it has been hard on William, but ultimately he recognizes that things are far better with his Mom and Dad living apart.  There is no more yelling and life with each of us is a whole lot more fun without that added stress.  He is still coming to terms with the fact that Mommy and Daddy won't ever be getting back together.

I know that he still mourns having moved, the loss of the day care friends (them coming every day -we still see them when we can) and the change of schools.  Though he is unwilling to admit it at times, he does prefer living here where he has a huge back yard, tons of nature to explore, a friend who lives beside the near by park, his own room AND toy room as well as an extra 2 cats and a dog for pets to go with our 1 cat and turtle.

On to other things that occurred over the year.  I stepped down as the Head Story Teller for Waterloo by Night.  There are many many reasons why that occurred.  Let's just say a proportion into why I left does include trying to save the failing marriage the rest isn't worth the effort to explain.  I miss and I don't miss Story Telling.  If I hadn't moved back to Orillia, I would have returned as a player.

I completed my ASL Basic Skills Certification at Conestoga College in June.  I miss the people for the most part I spent two years with that group.  I have been watching my DVDs and practicing from time to time, but it's not the same.

I had a pilonidal cyst removed again (hopefully this is the final time) in July.  It was just as large as the last one and this time it took 4 months to heal (the first one took 2 and a bit months, but I suspect it wasn't properly healed).  I suspect the stress of the separation and the move slowed healing down a smidge this time.  The surgery to have it removed is the only reason why William and I didn't move to Orillia in July.  I wasn't willing to move and have to start the process over again to find a surgeon when I had a surgery date and a surgeon in KW.  Post surgery I did end up with an awesome nurse here in Orillia who made sure I healed correctly and with any luck for good this time.

I think the most surreal feeling I have is the not doing home day care anymore. Seven years of working in the same job -I miss it and yet I don't.  For too long the stress of the failing relationship seeped into my work, partly because I worked from home.
What I miss most are the children and the parents.  If I hadn't wanted the family support, and wasn't feeling so burnt out I would have found a place in KW and kept looking after the crew.

Currently I am an instructor in training for Orillia First Aid and Safety Training.  I am pretty much able to teach the Safe@Home Alone and Babysitting courses.  I am now up to teaching over half the content in the Standard First Aid (SFA) courses and I can if needed, teach the straight CPR with or without the HCP (health care) course.
I figure by the end of January I will be teaching the SFA course entirely on my own.  I enjoy it.  It has also allowed me to spend more time with William and avoid putting him into childcare.

I have become a Beaver leader for 3rd Orillia.  My leader name is Tic Tac.  William is enjoying Beavers and on the whole so am I.

I have also reconnected with SiMuCOR (Simcoe Muskoka Coalition of Old Religions).  I went with my good friend (older brother I wish I had) out to Samhain.  It was like walking in and feeling like I had found home. I can't put into the words the sense of belonging I felt.  That sense was strengthened further when Joe helped me make it to Yule and I brought William to his first ever ritual.  Truly an excellent good group of people.

Writing... well I have been writing, mostly to myself, on my live journal.  Other then that I attempted the Nanowrimo challenge (write 50,000 words in the month of November) this year.  I failed miserably.  Finding a time I can write consistently while working and looking after William isn't an easy task.
Writing every day is just not realistic.  However writing for an hour or so every couple of days is attainable.
I added about another 23,000 words to my WIP.  Not sure if I am ever going to finish this WIP, but all I can do is try.

This year marked the 10th year of the Annual Christmas and Yule party.  It ended up being small, mainly because trying to organize something from a different city entirely is hard.  I only did it because it was the 10th year.  I have passed the torch and others are looking to make sure what I started so long ago will continue on even if I am no longer the organizer.  It was a good end, friends, good food and silliness.  What more could I ask for?

The New Year brings many new things.  In my opinion one of the most important is the fact that William and I will have a family doctor as of the 10th of January.  With luck this means I can get the help I need in finishing getting William diagnosed with his ADHD and me getting the help that I need to deal with my health and other issues.

I also see new beginnings and renewal of Faith with regards to myself.  Maybe I will finally find what Path I am supposed to be walking.

I still want to one day publish my writing.  For now I acknowledge the fact that this is not that time -yet.  For now I need to focus on finishing the pieces I have started and finding inspiration for new pieces.

This is going to be the year of Hope, Renewal and New Beginnings.

Blessed Yule, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Kindness Elves!

So you all know my very strong opinion about "The Elf on the Shelf," a friend of mine posted a link to his:
http://theimaginationtree.com/2013/11/alternative-elf-on-shelf-tradition-kindness-elf.html

And THIS *points to above* is what we should be doing with our children and teaching our children.

I wholeheartedly agree that we should be teaching our children and promoting the message of love, kindness and gratitude and that they are apart of making this happen in their world.

Too much time has been spent on focusing our children on negativity and what they are doing wrong.

We learn far better from doing then being told.  So if we make them apart of the process from young ages when it comes to doing acts of kindness and gratitude, hopefully they will carry this throughout all areas of their lives.

If the printer had ink, I'd be printing it off and sending it to my son's classroom.  WHY?
Because they spend WAY too much time on what NOT to do and not near enough time on what kid's should DO. There is so much attention on what is "good" and "bad" that I am routinely told by 3-5 members of W's classmates that he was "bad" today because he didn't do x/y/z.
Some of W's issues are directly related to his ADHD, some of it is a reflection on how bored he is because he is the only child in his class who was in full day every day kindergarten last year and from what he tells me most of what they are doing he has done before (and he has, whether it was with me at home with the day care kids or at school).

I am thinking I might still try to find some elves to do this with him in the weeks to come.

:D