Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is Real

I am so sick and tired of the meme that keeps showing up on facebook stating something along the following:

"We didn't have ADHD in my day.  We had the strap."

or

"Back in my day it was called daydreaming not ADHD"

or

"There is no such thing as ADHD, we ALL have ADHD moments"

Firstly they may not know what exactly is the cause of ADHD, but all the books I have read all agree on several key things.  ADHD is genetic and it's a neurological disorder.

ADHD is very real.

Is it being over diagnosed?

Possibly, but my research and reading say otherwise.  I am more inclined to say that stimulants are over prescribed, but the ADHD is very real.

Can it sometimes be misdiagnosed?

Sure, but anything can be misdiagnosed.

The key is to educate yourself and be vigilant on following up on questions, concerns and changes in behaviour both good and bad.

Just as Autism diagnoses have grown so have ADHD diagnoses.
Why?
Because we know what to look for.

Autism has seen a huge increase solely because they never considered anyone who was verbal capable of having it originally.  They thought you had to be nonverbal to be diagnosed Autistic. That changed over the past two or so decades

ADHD symptoms can be mimicked by things like an iron deficiency, sensitivities to gluten/dairy/sugar, lack of sleep to name a couple, but NONE of them are the cause.

Also medication does NOT cure ADHD, it can help a person learn to cope and focus better.
It never goes away, this is something a person has to learn to cope and live with for the rest of their life the same as someone who is Diabetic.
We don't tell people with Diabetes to "just suck it up, sorry that you're going to die because your body doesn't produce insulin."

I have severe Anxiety.  I can't will it away.  I take medication to help, but it doesn't magically make it disappear.  I still have bad days.  The same holds true to any mental or neurological disorder.

I have had to learn coping strategies the same way my son will have to learn (and is currently learning) coping strategies for his ADHD.

Why does my son get to be judged and belittled just because others think it's funny to spread misinformation around?

And you would think people who have children with special needs would understand instead of sharing these posts as well.
Yet of the couple hundred people I have friended on Facebook, a handful of them, who have children with special needs or even some form of mental illness themselves, have shared one or more of the above memes.

What makes you or your child(ren) better then me or my child?  Is their/your condition some how more special or better or more REAL??

You would be just as pissed as I am if I had posted such things saying derogatory things or spreading misinformation about your child's special needs or your own issues.


Just because you read it on the Internet, doesn't make it true.

If you wish to educate yourself here are books and sites you can go to to LEARN:

http://www.caddac.ca/

http://www.mentalhealthcanada.com/ConditionsandDisordersDetail.asp?lang=e&category=60

http://www.cmha.bc.ca/get-informed/mental-health-information/adult-adhd

http://www.chaddcanada.com/research.php

http://www.adhdmarriage.com/ **

http://www.additudemag.com/

Taking Charge of ADHD by Dr. Russell A Barkley
http://www.amazon.ca/dp/1462507891

Driven to Distraction by Edward M. Hallowell**
http://www.amazon.ca/dp/0307743152

The ADHD Effect on Marriage by Melissa Orlov**
http://www.amazon.ca/dp/1886941971

1000 Best Tips for ADHD by Susan Ashley
http://www.amazon.ca/dp/1402271395

The Explosive Child by Dr. Ross Green
http://www.amazon.ca/dp/B00GLS4XT4




**Yes some of the books and links are for Adults, ADHD and marriage/relationships.  Unfortunately ADHD coupled with mental illness ended my marriage.
My ex and I are great friends now, but we both recognize that his ADHD did factor into the ending of the marriage and I reiterate it was not the only factor.

The Day of Sad

Today was a far more emotional day than I anticipated.  We laid to rest Tiger Lily and Hexadecimal, 17 years and 4 months old.

Last night I had to have the conversation with my 6 year old about why we were "killing the cats."

Once he understood that we can't give human medicine to pets with regards to cancer and surgery because of their age he stopped stressing.  They were in pain, they were losing weight, barely keeping what they ate down and losing control of their bodies.  They were suffering.

He swung between crying and being manically happy through out the day.

I took some nice pictures of both cats by themselves and with W.

My Dad was having a really hard time coping with W when we went to the vet.  W was definitely overcompensating for being upset by behaving almost annoyingly hyper and chipper.

He's 6, he can "forget" about bad feelings temporarily with ease with distraction, especially when you factor in his ADHD.

The vet was very nice, hadn't met this one before.  Tiger peed on them when they were putting the catheter in her leg.  They saw how bad it was, and they did not disagree that this was the best course of action, especially when we told them Hex wasn't any different.

W couldn't hold Tiger, so I did, just as I promised Jen that I would.  However he did pet her in her special spot (she loved to be stroked on the ridge of her nose and forehead) the whole time, just like he told Auntie Jen he would.
Dad held Hex.
We all cried.

Both were "gone" within seconds of the 'medicine' being given to them.

Dad and I were crying before that occurred.  As W saw what was happening he too cried and kept petting Tiger, his "favouritist in the world who was now gone."
He impressed the vet by coming and wiping my eyes with the kleenex we had brought while I held Tiger.

We wrapped them in their snowflake blankets (one of their favourites) and brought them home together in the same carrier.

We explained to W, that they will be residing in the freezer downstairs until the thaw so we can place them is the "Fairy Garden" aka the rose garden where another beloved family pet has been laid to rest.

He has announced until that happens he won't go to the basement.  I told him I understood.

He's six, his six year old imagination just does weird things with something like this.

When I was talking to my sister later this evening, he came and literally grabbed the phone out of my hand, which is incredibly unusual for him.

He said to Auntie Jen "We're putting Hex and Tiger in the freezer do you think they will move around"
She was like "but W they're dead they won't move-"
"No Auntie Jen not their bodies, their ghosts!"

She agreed with him and after he handed the phone back to me he told me that he thinks that Tiger and Hex's ghosts will stay here to keep him safe.

Possible, but not likely, but who am I to tell him different at this point?
Especially if it makes him feel better?

He also informed me to tell Auntie Jen that she has to help him make a tombstone to put in the garden because "Auntie Jen is good with tools."

The dog has gone looking for them, she keeps sniffing all the usual spots and can't find them.
I don't think my cat has registered yet that she is the only one here.
I know she went and hid when she heard them get put in the carriers and with her past experience would stay hiding for awhile --my old other cat used to terrorize her any time he spent anytime in the carrier.
And since Hex, Tiger and Katy had only tenuously gotten along this past year and a half since we moved in, it will likely take her a few days to notice she is on her own with the dog.

It's weird.

I keep looking and listening for them.  I expect that will be the case for a number of weeks.

I am thankful that W's first experience of the loss of a family pet was this way, then the way it happened for me when I was a child.
Losing a pet due to It being hit by a car is far harder to accept then one who has had to go on because they were ill.

Today we had time to say good bye as hard as it still was.

I am just left with the surreal sense of how floppy and light Tiger felt after she left.

Tiger and Hex, you crossed the Rainbow Bridge today.  I am sure you were greeted by Casey.
One day in the future we will see you again soon.

Hexadecimal

Tiger Lily

At the Request of my 6 year old

We have 3 cats, 1 dog and a turtle.

Two of the cats are sisters who are 17 turning 18 this year.  Tiger Lily and Hexadecimal
The dog is 15 turning 16.  Sara-Bear
The last cat is 11 turning 12. Katydid
The turtle is also turning 12. A'tuin

We've known that Hex hasn't been doing well since before Christmas when we first found blood in her urine.  A trip to the vet and round of antibiotics saw some improvement.
A second trip and another round of antibiotics saw no improvement.
Essentially it came down to the fact her kidneys are failing.
So we chose to just make her comfortable until things got worse.

What we didn't anticipate was her sister getting worse along side of her.
They have deteriorated rapidly over the past couple of weeks.  Moving a litter box upstairs did help some with the peeing in places they shouldn't.  It also showed us that things were much worse than we thought.

Both cats are having difficulty jumping up on things including meowing as if in pain when attempting to jump.
Both are now throwing up every where as well as not always making it to the litter box.
They also do nothing but sleep, all. of. the. time.

It sucks.

Because outside of those issues they continue to be their snuggly demanding selves.  When they are awake, they are demanding to be petted, snuggled and paid attention to.
Yet they are also telling us they aren't okay.

One of the cats, Tiger, is my sister's.  It sucks because my sister is in BC.  Yet I know exactly how she feels as I was unable to come be with my dog when my dog took so ill.  It was my sister who held her, who took care of her at the end.

My son is having a really hard time.

He swings from being happy they won't be sick anymore to uncontrollable crying because we will only have one cat and his favourite (my sister's cat) won't be here anymore.
We keep telling him it's okay to be sad.  It's okay to cry, that all of us have cried and I was crying with him tonight.  It is sad.  We will miss them.

He has said he will hold Tiger, but tonight, he asked if he could just sit beside her and pet her.  I think death is scaring him.  So we talked a bit further about the Circle of Life.  That death is a natural part of life.
Then I told him all the happy memories and stories I could think of about Hex and Tiger to bring him out of uncontrollable crying to just sad.

He then tearfully and earnestly asked me if I could tell everyone we know what is happening.  Initially he wanted me to place an add (he meant Obituary) in the newspaper like they do for people.  I tried to explain to him this wasn't something we did for pets, but he got so upset that finally I told him I would tell everyone on facebook and my blog instead to which he agreed to and calmed down.

So as requested by my 6 year old:

Tiger Lily and Hexadecimal

Born approximately November 1997

Came to be our pets in January 1998

On Thursday March 12, 2015

Tiger and Hex will be crossing the Rainbow Bridge together.

They came into our lives together, and together they will be leaving us.

(Tiger is the one at the top, Hex at the bottom)

Home Schooling a 6 year old with ADHD

Well we began home schooling in January.  It wasn't entirely unexpected.

This decision occurred for two reasons really.  First the administration at his public elementary school were giving me grief because of his "behavioural problems" and that he was missing a week of every month to visit his father who lives in Ottawa.
Second because the administration, though claiming to be willing to help work with his diagnosis, lost his paper work, stated he didn't need an IEP or anything because he didn't have any academic issues despite the fact his teacher had to report that he knows nothing, because he hadn't done anything to prove otherwise at school.

Now let me make it clear, his teacher straight up told us she knew he knew more then she could report based on his vocabulary, his sharing during discussions and shear knowledge he would just share at any time.  However he would not, could not do any work on paper unless an adult sat beside him keeping him on task the entire time because of the distraction of the others.  Clearly the teacher, in a class of 22 children, of which 3 are diagnosed with some form of LD or ADHD and no EA cannot do that.

We could get him to do the same work sheets at home that he never completed at school in 10-25 minutes depending on the concept and topic because we could minimize the distractions to nearly nothing. We could also get him to read age appropriate books (not necessarily at the level he should have been reading at) with ease.

The teacher was willing to work with his issues and help and support him where the administration wouldn't.  In the end it wasn't enough.

Home schooling has presented challenges in he has been flat out defiant over not being able to do something because "it's boring/too tired/wants to do it later."

I have had to resort to threatening to take away the much coveted Lego and occasionally revoke TV and video game privileges.

On the whole, there are more good days then bad.

Now we have found the wonder of Reading Eggs and Math Seeds (http://readingeggs.com/).  I use this as a supplement to break away from work sheets with regards to reading comprehension and reading.  It reinforces the concepts of breaking each part of the word into sounds to figure out what it is instead of guessing.  Though he was quite funny commenting on why it seemed to make him do everything almost the same but not quite three times.  He was amused when I explained that it's to help him remember it and that if he pays attention to Grandma and I at work, we do similar things when teaching First Aid to grown ups.

Due to not paying attention to what the instructions were being told to him he got placed at a much lower lesson level for his reading.  I have left it there as to reinforce what he knows.  Especially when it comes to constructing sentences and sight recognition of common words.

However when he did the test to place his math level for lessons in Math Seeds, he learned from his mistakes and paid attention to what was asked of him and is placed in the correct level for Math.

He fights having to do anything with regards to structured writing.  Despite the fact we are doing some follow up testing with the family doctor with regards to joint pain, I won't let him off the hook.
If he can play Lego and video games for hours, he can take 15-20 minutes each day to work on writing.
Otherwise how is he ever going to get better at it?
That has been the challenge, making him understand that the more he does it, the easier it will get.

Science... this child has no deficit in that area... and of course he loves any and all experiments and activities related to such.

Math also lends itself to breaking away from work sheets etc.  We tallied Mike n Ikes, did some estimation work before hand, and once sorted, counted and recorded ate them ;)

Fortunately the kid loves to play board games.  We have all sorts that fall into the Math/Language/Problem Solving realm.

The Library has become our new favourite hang out for many reasons.  BOOKS!  The fish, the toys, the computers, BOOKS!  The kid would bring home 10+ books every visit if I let him.

I have invested in a couple of books with regards to what is expected concept wise in grade 1 for Canadian curriculum.  I am still looking for more resources on things that are specific to our province.

His anxiety has decreased and increased at the same time.  How? He has stopped stressing over school, school work (unless he doesn't want to do it which is different).  However we have seen a spike in overactive imagination, including being afraid of the dark and not wanting to be alone on the bottom floor or upper floor of the house.  Currently I am stuck with him in my bed, but I have started to work on him about starting in his own bed, and coming to my bed when he wakes in the middle of the night.  He has agreed to this.
We are on a wait list for counselling on this, but unless he were to get much worse, we're in limbo.

I'd love to have a private full psychological assessment done, but at the tune of $2000 that isn't going to happen anytime soon.

How long do we plan to home school?

For as long as it works.

Socially, I have put him into a Parks and Rec program, he is in Beavers and will be trying to get him back into visiting his friends as much as possible.
The challenge is finding accessible (transportation wise that works with work schedules etc), affordable (I have a very limited amount of funds) that I am willing to pay and put him into and have him miss potentially half of it because he is at his Dad's.

His Dad doesn't understand why this frustrates me because he keeps saying they can do x in Ottawa and y in Ottawa.

That's all good and well, but how does that help me here?  I live in a small town that doesn't have near the resources or activities.

I think a tweak of the school time schedule will be my next project to try and lessen the refusal on some activities over others.  I thought breaking it up would go over better.  However it seems doing it in one big block with very short breaks to get up and move around etc works better.

It's trial and error at it's best!